THE BEARMAGEDDON CABANA — If you're new here, then you may not know about the Bearpocalypse. If you're a returning customer, you're either on board with my fight against Bearmageddon or you think I'm insane and you're tired of hearing about it. If you're one of the latter, just watch the video to enjoy a great video.
For those either new or already in the resistance, take a stroll down the rabbit hole with me, won't you?
This man was lounging by his pool in Massachusetts, enjoying a nice afternoon nap. That's when a soldier from the Bearpocalypse wandered into the backyard. At first, the bear thought he could get some good reconnaissance in for his bear overlords because the lazy human was asleep. The bear checks out the water and realizes it's pretty nice — probably great for a little dip.
Then the bear notices how comfortable and at peace the human looks. Not only that, but this man also has a nice pair of slip-on shoes. Yes, bear, they don't just look comfortable — they are comfortable. The bear decides to find out how soft those shoes are and puts his lips to them. Personally, I wouldn't kiss a shoe to find out how nice they are, but to each his own.
The bear has a realization, "Maybe humans aren't the enemy. They don't seem too bad, and this retirement thing looks nice. A warm bathing pool, comfy paw coverings, and hibernating while it's not even winter."
That's right, bear. Humans have it pretty good sometimes.
But all thoughts of defection to the human side are thrown off when the bear's shoe nuzzling wakes the human and startles both of them. The bear runs, and in true human form, the first thing the man does is grab his phone to capture this moment for posterity — or Instagram. Not totally sure which.
If you watch closely, however, you'll see something the bears planning Bearmageddon don't want you to see: The bear comes back, and then man and animal make eye contact. My understanding is that Harold — the bear's actual name — made contact with the man and asked for some pamphlets on defecting. Things are in process, but Harold needs to go through some training on how to stay safe and then enter the BearFriend Protection Program.
Bearpocalypse H.Q. is not pleased with the bear formerly known as Harold and even tried to tamper with the tape, cutting it off early. Thankfully for all of you, there is a Bearmageddon journalist that will always go the extra mile.
Be vigilant. Be smart. Be safe.