COUNTER BEARPOCALYPSE HQ — I have been warning you all about the Bearpocalypse for a long time now, but I worry you're not taking it seriously. Maybe it's because you think I'm crazy or paranoid, but that seems unlikely. It's probably because we've become complacent.
It's been some time since I saw evidence of Bearmageddon. I had hoped our bear foes had halted preparations for their take over. I was wrong, they were just training more covertly and this video proves it.
A man driving in Croatia saw this young bear climbing this rock face. I have no doubt many of you are just like the man filming and think it's just a cute, fuzzy bear scurrying up a cliffside. Bless your naive, trusting and doomed hearts.
There is so much more to this video. First off, bears around the world are coordinating their invasion. Croatia? That means they're mobilizing in Europe already. Next it will be Asia, and then we're really in it.
Also, the bears are training their young to be warriors. I find this disgusting. There is no humanity in these creatures — excuse me, no bearmanity. They're willing to put their little ones on the front lines.
You also may think the bear is climbing the rocks to avoid getting hit by a car. No, it's climbing so you won't catch it training. How do I know this? I'll tell you how. Right at the 15-second mark, the bear makes a serious mistake, probably due to its youth. But the bear stops and looks right into the camera. You can see it in his furry face: he's worried, worried he's been caught and will have to answer to his bear overlords.
Bears were staying covert, trying to lull us into a state of complacency and help us forget about the Bearpocalypse. It almost worked, but this mistake this Croatian bear made reminded me of my errors — and to get off my tush and do my job, the thing I was put on this Earth to do: warn humankind of Bearmageddon.
You are warned. Tell your friends, neighbors and loved ones. Humans unite!