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BEARMAGEDDON NEWS ROOM — Breaking news here from several days ago. A self-identified soldier of the Bearvolution, a known tactical force associated with the Bearpocalypse, has admitted to breaking and entering the cabin dwelling of humans for "reconnaissance" on how humans live and how easily they could be "overthrown," after the incident was caught on camera.
The soldier, who identified himself as Barry, was reluctant to speak at first, but officials said he started "singing like a bird," when he was offered salmon and honey if he would speak.
"It really didn't take much," said Francis Fakeguy of the Not Really a Place Police Department. "He acted the tough bear part, but we slapped one salmon on the table and he spilled the beans."
No formal charges have been filed against Barry, as there are no current laws against bears knocking down doors with their brute strength. Apparently, Barry won't even be asked to pay for damages or for retribution for the emotional turmoil the owners of the cabin experienced. Bearvolution refused to comment on the situation and Barry has been released from custody.
"It's a shame," Fakeguy said. "We had an informant in our hands that could give us insight and knowledge into what the bears are planning for Bearmageddon, but it turns out there are no laws against bears acting like bears. Something needs to change."
If you have any information that will help the human race in our ongoing struggle and fight against the Bearpocalypse please send an email to our anonymous tip line, JustSayNo2Bearmageddon@HumansUnite.org.
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