BEARMAGEDDON H.Q. — You've mocked me, laughed at me and even threatened me to get me to stop talking about the bear uprising and the inevitable bearpocalypse, but I can't.
Hate me if you must, but I have a sworn duty as a human to keep us safe the best I can, and I do that by warning you of bearmageddon. Some day you'll either thank me for my tireless and dangerous work to make you aware of videos and preparations like this or rue the day you mocked me.
I've shown you so much evidence it's hard to believe some of you have yet to join the resistance and see the light that a bear uprising is coming. I've shown you that bears are climbing sheer cliff sides in preparation to scale our city skyscrapers. I've warned you about bears learning to walk like humans in an eventual effort to infiltrate our everyday lives in disguise. I even made you aware of George, the tetherball-playing phenom bear who had a master plan to take the ultra-competitive tetherball circuit by storm and eventually make you bow down to him as a sporting deity.
Now I'm giving you the inside info on a bear that is supposed to be our furry foes' answer to our martial arts experts.
Twitter user @shirokumaroko posted this video, and while they suppose it's cute footage of a bear and his toy, we all know better. This bear is training with its nunchucks to gain one more advantage over us humans.
Bears, you've already got massive strength, speed and climbing abilities. Do you really need nunchuck skills as well? That just seems unfair.
Ninja bear is the best bear https://t.co/z58QOQq5er— Shannon Stirone 💀 (@shannonmstirone) July 12, 2020
The bear may not be to Bruce Lee-level of nunchuck artistry yet, but he's not bad. What's more worrisome is that this bear is just in training. That means there is at least one other bear out there who is much better than this one, and it's doing backflips and nunchuck shenanigans all over its cave.
I'm not saying we have lost the heated bear/human conflict, but this is not a good sign for us. Bears are out there learning the way of the ninja and we're sitting here thinking it's adorable.
Be vigilant, be strong and be human. We're in this together and it's time we stepped up our game.