THE BETRAYAL COUCH — I don't easily hold grudges, but when it comes to messing with my food, my anger knows no bounds.
As a big-boned child, as my mother lovingly put it, I would get physically upset when someone or something messed with my food. I had a cousin once steal my hotdog at a cookout and 20 years later I refused to go to his wedding. A dog once stole my ham sandwich while on a third-grade field trip. To this day I have never owned a dog and have no plans to; I just don't trust them.
Do I take these things too seriously and too far? No. In fact, I don't think I take them far enough — it's food and food makes my heart happy.
Well, it actually clogs my heart considering what I eat, but you get my point. For these reasons I don't find this video all that funny, but rather infuriating.
This raccoon is hanging out on the couch enjoying some grapes. Why is this raccoon inside and how did he become a family pet? I don't know. There are a lot of questions this video needs to answer, but that's not what we're focused on for now.
Regardless of the black hole of endless, mind-boggling questions this video raises, this raccoon is enjoying my favorite past time: snacking and watching TV. The little guy pops a delicious grape into his mouth and does his best to chew it down, and is clearly enjoying the moment when some evil hand sneaks in and steals the rest of the grapes.
Does he notice the theft? Of course not, he's too into whatever he's watching and I empathize. Then he reaches his paw down into the bowl only to find all the grapes missing.
The poster of the video called his reaction "priceless," I call it heartbreaking. I've been there. Reaching into a bag of potato chips only to find it empty. No, someone hasn't usually stolen it from me but rather it's just the fact I've eaten the bag faster than what was previously thought to be humanly possible and I'm wildly disappointed.
But this is different, a person he thought was his friend betrayed him and took his bounty. The unembodied hand thankfully put one grape back at a time, but that doesn't make up for the complete lack of courtesy and thoughtfulness of others and their snacking time.
I'm guessing this raccoon is a better soul than I and will likely forgive his human for the transgression and breach of trust. But as for me, my cousin knows what he did and he can live with that for the rest of his life.