Reddit, u/cascalonginess

Have You Seen This? Porch thief loses integrity and pants

By John Clyde, Contributor | Posted - Dec. 13, 2019 at 3:01 p.m.

THE PORCH — Few things anger me more than porch thieves.

These cowards have decided they are too lazy to work for their own money, so they steal the things from the people who have worked to buy something.

Also, during this time of the year it's usually a gift, which means someone is being selfless and giving their own money to purchase something for someone else. Then these clowns turn around and steal it, committing undignified selfishness on the selfless. This isn't always the case, but it's often true.

This video shows the caliber of these porch thieves as well as their intelligence. This guy walks his motorcycle up to the driveway to stay quiet. Then, with the stealth of a blind water buffalo inside the lighting section of Home Depot, he snatches a package off the porch and bolts for his bullet bike.

On his escape, however, he loses clothes out of what appears to be his opened backpack. He then rushes back to get the clothes and loses his riding pants in the process.

Porch pirate off Woodman and Rockrimmon. Watch out for this thief if you see him cruising your neighborhood. from r/ColoradoSprings

Now hindered with his knickers around his ankles, he waddles back to the getaway vehicle only to fumble about as he tries to stuff his things back into his bag.

I'm sure he didn't want to leave those clothes behind that he paid for only to have someone else take them for free. That wouldn't be very kind.

Finally, he gets his stuff into his bag — but getting away with trousers at your feet is easier said than done. He now tries to get his pants back on, and then finally leaves.

This guy is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's clearly a tool. The most infuriating thing is he still got away with the package.

Hopefully, his mini-vacation in front of this house gave time to either identify him or get a read on his plates, because he needs a lesson in not taking what's not yours (and on how to buy the right size pants, or at least a belt).

Yesterday's Have You Seen This?

John Clyde

About the Author: John Clyde

John has grown up around movies and annoys friends and family with his movie facts and knowledge. He also has a passion for sports and pretty much anything awesome, and it just so happens, that these are the three things he writes about. Contact him on Twitter at @johnnypclyde.

John Clyde

KSL Weather Forecast