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SALT LAKE CITY — A thread on a popular social networking site was getting attention Friday for asking those who have committed rape or other sexual crimes to tell their side of the story.
"Reddit's had a few threads about sexual assault victims, but are there any redditors from the other side of the story?" one user of the website asked on Thursday. "What were your motivations? Do you regret it?"
The question has received nearly 11,000 responses since it was posted, some of which tell disturbing stories of what was going through the minds of those who committed the crimes.
Some spoke of perceived mixed messages: "I didn't understand what had happened," one user wrote.
Others said there were environmental factors involved: "I was an extremely isolated youth who came from a broken home," one man wrote. "My escape was the internet … Most of the material was very objectifying and sexually aggressive towards women."
There were other stories. Stories of women who were dressed inappropriately, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Stories of women who were walking alone at night or who had left their front door unlocked. There were tales of men who had not said "no" forcibly enough, or had perhaps stayed silent while being raped to avoid hurt feelings.
Some had made excuses: "Sue had always been quite flirty," one man wrote. And another: "In my drunken mind I thought that she MUST have wanted it."
Some were cases of chance encounters with strangers; others took advantage of friends or new acquaintances. Certainly, not every poster was sorry for his or her actions. Many wrote off their actions as a "mistake" or a youthful indiscretion. But one man had this to say:
Somewhere that girl is now a woman and is out there. She remembers that night and I fear that it has affected her in ways that an apology just couldn't fix.
–Anonymous poster
"Somewhere that girl is now a woman and is out there," the man wrote. "She remembers that night and I fear that it has affected her in ways that an apology just couldn't fix."
The stories allow a glimpse into the psyches of those who commit sexual crimes, and some hope a frank discussion will allow society to begin to combat the misconceptions associated with attacks.
Despite instances of sexual assault having fallen by more than 60 percent in recent years, nearly 208,000 Americans over the age of 12 will fall victim each year to assault. Utah outpaces the rest of the nation, with rape being the only violent crime that occurs more frequently than the national average: 63.7 per 100,000 females reported rape in 2008, compared to the U.S. rate of 57.4 per 100,000 females.
In 2010, 899 rapes were reported, compared to a decade-high of 930 in 2005, but similar to the 871 rapes reported in 2001. And in 2010, 12.1 percent of females in Utah and 1.2 percent of males reported experiencing rape or attempted rape during their lifetime.
Some victims reported on the Reddit thread feeling like they were at fault for being taken advantage of. One victim of assault who escaped the situation had this to say:
"If I had for one second thought it wasn't ok to say no out loud, if I had thought, ‘He'll get angry and hurt me more if I say no,' … it could have been a much different story."
Nearly 208,000 Americans over the age of 12 will fall victim each year to assault. -Utah Dept. of Health
A common theme in the thread was the idea of misinterpretation versus clear intent: should the "No means no" commonly taught to children put more of an emphasis on "Only yes means yes"? And that is to say nothing of setting clear boundaries in relationships, as one victim wrote:
"He said that because I agreed to be his girlfriend, that was me giving him unspoken consent to anything physical he wanted."
Exploring these misconceptions is what the original poster of the thread, who himself was a victim of rape, had in mind. He said he hopes to be able to understand what was going through his rapist's head at the time of the crime.
"I know these are uncomfortable, but I've had another victim tell me they've been helped by reading these, and I'm slowly getting there," he wrote.
And maybe, wrote some of the victims who have posted on the thread, a more frank social discussion is exactly what is needed in a society that they say too often approaches sexual crime with an "it is what it is" attitude, placing blame on the victims instead of the aggressors.
