SALT LAKE CITY -- In recent years we've seen a cultural shift in the way fathers are perceived. That's probably because there's been a shift in the way fathers interact with their children, devoting less time to work and other distractions and dedicating more time to their families.

In an earlier ksl.com article called "Fatherhood matters too" I quoted sociologist Ralph LaRossa, who said this of today's fathers: "Long considered minor players in the affairs of their children, today's fathers often are depicted as major parental figures, people who are expected to -- people who presumably want to -- be there when their kids need them."

As Father's Day draws closer, more shining examples of stellar dads are being shared, inspiring all fathers and father figures to step up their game and make their influence known.

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Fatherhood matters too

There's no doubt about it: Fatherhood is changing, and scientists are tracking the outcomes of this change. They're discovering what many families already know: Children with involved fathers are happier, do better in school and have positive social relationships.

Whether you're a new dad or a super dad, everyone can use a little inspiration. Here's some of the web's best advice to help you make the most of your role as a father.

From BabyCenter.com, excerpted from the book Throwaway Dads, by Ross D. Parke and Armin A. Brott:

Be more active. If fathers don't start taking the initiative, they'll never be able to assume the childrearing responsibilities they really want and that their children deserve. Instead of letting your partner pluck your crying or smelly baby from your arms, try saying something like, "I think I can handle things" or "That's okay, I really need the practice."

Take pride in the special way you are with your kids. Men and women have different ways of interacting with their children. Men tend to stress physical and high-energy activities; women, more social and emotional ones. But don't let anyone tell you that safely wrestling, bouncing on the bed or other "guy things" are somehow not as important as the "girl things" your partner may do (or want you to do). The rough-and-tumble of father play teaches valuable lessons about regulating emotions such as excitement and arousal. Children with physically connected dads tend to do better in school, are more social, and are less likely to get involved in drugs, alcohol, or criminal behavior than children whose dads keep their distance.

Be available for the day-to-day. Leaving everything to your partner means you'll miss out on the small pieces that give meaning to your child's life. Without taking part in the everyday chores, routines and activities that make up childhood, fathers aren't going to know their children with the kind of intimacy and nuance that's critical to being a sensitive father.

*From Dr. Terri Orbuch on The Huffington Post:*Make a special date -- just the two of you. Ask your son or daughter out to dinner. Or better yet, tell them you've set aside a special time for the two of you, and ask your child to select the activity. If you give them the responsibility of making the decision, it's often best. Playing video games is a good thing to do together, but not for your special time. It's preferable to leave the house so that you have an experience together that's fresh and out of the ordinary.

Make sure they feel valued and noticed. Kids don't care so much about what you do with them. They just want to feel loved, noticed and valued. As a psychologist and a mother, I've observed that children especially crave affective affirmation from their fathers. "Affective affirmation" is defined as small gestures, words or actions that convey the message that you support, value, notice and care about the other person. Some simple ways to do this: Send them a "hello" text in the middle of the day. Tuck a note into their lunchbox. Hug them. Or sit down and watch "their" TV show. Small gestures are as good as big ones.

From the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services Child Welfare and Information Gateway, excerpted from The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children by Jeffrey Rosenberg and Bradford Wilcox:

Respect your children's mother. One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. If you are married, keep your marriage strong and vital. If you are not married, it is still important to respect and support the mother of your children. A father and mother who respect each other and let their children know it provide a secure environment for them. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected.

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Earn the right to be heard. All too often, the only time a father speaks to his children is when they have done something wrong. That is why so many children cringe when their mother says, "Your father wants to talk with you." Begin talking with your kids when they are very young so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older. Take time and listen to their ideas and problems. Discipline with love. All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits. Remind your children of the consequences of their actions and provide meaningful rewards for desirable behavior. Fathers who discipline in a calm and fair manner show love for their children.

Be a role model. Fathers are role models to their kids whether they realize it or not. A girl who spends time with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be treated with respect by boys, and what to look for in a husband. Fathers can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility and responsibility.

Read to your children. In a world where television often dominates the lives of children, it is important that fathers make the effort to read to their children. Children learn best by doing and reading, as well as seeing and hearing. Begin reading to your children when they are very young. When they are older, encourage them to read on their own. Instilling your children with a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of personal and career growth.

Realize that a father's job is never done. Even after children are grown and ready to leave home, they still look to their fathers for wisdom and advice. Whether it is continued schooling, a new job, or a wedding, fathers continue to play an essential part in the lives of their children as they grow and, perhaps, marry and build their own families.

Email: lmaxfield@ksl.com

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