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Not everyone looks forward to the holidays. For some people, there's that one relative that is just simply hard to get along with; and after a couple of days, it can be unbearable. But there are ways to improve those difficult situations with relatives.
A national survey conducted by VitalSmarts found 4 in 5 people aren't always happy with someone who attends those family gatherings.
"Of those 4 out of 5 that had had family gatherings ruined, 93 percent said it hadn't improved, the situation hadn't got any better, and most of them had handled it by ignoring the problem, or avoiding the person, or withdrawing from the person; and that doesn't work. Things don't get better," explained Ron McMillan, co-author of "Crucial Confrontations."
McMillan's book is designed for business professionals, but he says the same principles can apply to dealing with difficult family situations.
Whether it's as simple as someone double dipping a chip in the salsa, to language or behavior you find offense, McMillan believes rather than stay silent, its best to talk about it, but take a different approach.
"Make it safe for them to talk to you. You could begin by sharing your good intentions. Sharing your good intention means, 'What do I hope comes out of this? How do I feel toward the person? And why I am approaching them about this subject?'" McMillan explained.
He says just state the facts. Don't make accusations that will make a person defensive, and talk to them as a friend, not a foe.
"You're respectful, you are trying to solve a problem in a way that is helpful, and that you value the relationship and want it to continue. Whatever words you use, if you can get that message across, you can talk with almost anyone about almost anything and they will thank you instead of being angry with you," McMillan said.
For more information on "Crucial Confrontations," CLICK HERE.
E-mail: spenrod@ksl.com
