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SALT LAKE CITY — Are you giving your teenagers the grace they deserve?
This is a question all parents should ponder, and it's one I've certainly given a lot of thought to recently as a mother of four teenagers (with five more to go).
Recently, this thought came to me during a run of all places. Actually, I run a lot, so run-thoughts are a regular occurrence. This particular run I did at lunchtime —high school lunchtime to be exact. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to run past the neighboring food chains during lunch knowing full well (from experience) that I would encounter my share of walking ninth and 10th grade students — you know, students without driver licenses.
As I was turning toward my neighborhood, I decided to run on a pathway that runs parallel behind the high school. This particular pathway has a fence and tall trees that line between the football field and the school and, as expected, I encountered a few late-to-school and sluffing teens.
There was one group of teenagers who looked to be freshmen walking in a line toward me. As I approached, I noticed that in the middle of the line was a boy and girl holding hands, fingers interlocked in sweet awkwardness. I could imagine the sweat puddles accumulating in the palms of their hands, knowing full well that it didn't matter. Holding hands is all that matters, and it is the ultimate battle of willpower to keep those fingers locked.
As I passed, I smiled and said "hello" as a feeling of nothing but love for that budding teenage love poured over me.
Not even a second later, I looked up and saw another couple sitting behind a red utility shed used to store athletic equipment. The boy was sitting, and the girl in a pink sweatshirt was facing him — and they were kissing. I could imagine the trek to the back of that shed to have a moment to themselves where few (hopefully no) eyes could see. Again, a smile emerged in my head, heart and likely my face as I couldn't keep in the happiness I was feeling being a witness to this age-old story. This smile I had was soon met with a tickle in my nose that signaled a tear that wanted to emerge.
I thought about those two kids hiding their teenage love story. I wondered what their home life was like. Did their parents know about their relationship? If so, what was it like? Were they supportive? Was this a forbidden love? Did they have a safe place to talk about this, or would they leave that experience scared of who would find out?
Like many of you (I think), I had young and forbidden love like this. Sweaty palms, finding places to be together, and fearing the all-seeing eye of parents. It's a thing that I think a lot of teenagers go through, and I can't say it's a bad thing; merely a natural thing. I remember being caught by a teacher who didn't turn me and my love-at-the-time in, but merely smiled and passed by.
As all of these thoughts passed through my head — thoughts of solidarity for the young love these teenagers had and of the grace that was shown to me by that teacher — I thought about my own children. What if, during my run, I passed by my own child holding hands with a girlfriend or boyfriend? What if it was my child kissing behind the shed? Would I have the same feelings I did with another person's child? Or, would I condemn them for being teenagers?
It was a moment of awakening for me as a mother, and I hoped that I would give my own children the grace they deserve. Because sweaty palms and stolen kisses are all part of finding your way along the many paths in life, and I don't think it does any good to shame a teen for being the very definition of a teen.
Now, let me ask you the question again: Are you giving your teenagers the grace they deserve? Let us all know why or why not in the comment section.
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