SALT LAKE CITY — Women often enjoy the ability to connect with each other on a heart-to-heart level. However, sometimes we can prevent those connections by perceived barriers of age, varied situations and diverse opinions. Consider the gifts that await within the woman next door.

Be open to older women’s wisdom

In my early married days I remember a lady in our neighborhood who had a particular stewardship over all the women in our church. She had raised nine children. With her experience she taught us how to sew, tame a toddler and even cook a Thanksgiving turkey to perfection. I learned a great deal from her example.

Years later, we happened to meet and she asked for suggestions on how to best deal with a grandson who had Asperger’s syndrome, just like my oldest son. It was a beautiful moment of full-circle sharing.

Try not to dismiss the older crowd simply because they don’t have little ones or don’t care about the cost of diapers. Ply them with questions of what they did and how they did it; what went great and what they would do over. No age is too old or too young.

Joan Anderson, the author of "A Walk on the Beach," takes a middle-aged personal year alone at Cape Cod and happens to meet Joan Erikson, wife of pioneer psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. The older Joan is close to 90 years old and becomes the younger Joan’s mentor.

The beautiful shifts and learning that occurs between the two women is magical. As Joan Erikson wisely counsels, “Practice nonsense. Have some joy during all your trudging, and don’t forget to laugh. Tears no longer become you.”

Be open to others’ opinions

Often, women feel the pressure to be doing things just the “right” way; how we dress, speak, even the hobbies we pursue. We feel pressured to be homogenous and go with what’s acceptable or what we feel is the one proper way.

VIDEO:

Studio 5: Be Open to Female Influences

For an enhanced discussion on being open to female influences, watch Connie Sokol's segment on "Studio 5 with Brooke Walker" by clicking the link above.

If you struggle with this, just once let someone else try it their way. Look around and ask yourself, who needs to shine? Think of people instead of perfection. So the woman on your committee wants a plastic Hawaiian theme and you want chic Martha Stewart. That’s OK. Give someone else the chance or the reins and see what happens. Whatever the outcome, there will likely be personal growth.

When I first started contributing segments on Studio 5 almost 10 years ago, I had no clue about the TV industry. Yet, the executive producer was incredibly gracious in dealing with me. She asked for my input and I gave the most inane but enthusiastic suggestions for my 6-minute segment: I could do two topics, I could move two places on the set, I could do a phone-in interview with Julie Morgenstern from New York (while I sat on the couch with a knowing but actually clueless smile and stumbled through my “great” idea).

Through it all, the producer patiently culled my suggestions (before going on air), nudged them toward a better format, and still encouraged new thoughts and ideas. That confidence and tutoring helped me develop a comfortable and (hopefully) connecting TV manner.

Support each others’ influence

Women can be an incredible force for good when we stop competing and get on the same team. In her book, "Knowing Your Value," Mika Brzezinski notes the experience of two women with the mayor of Chicago. They all sat in a meeting but both women kept discreetly checking their watches and feeling antsy. Finally, the mayor stops and asks what’s up. The women make eye contact then share that their kids’ Halloween parade is in 20 minutes and they’ve never missed one. This good man said, "Then why are you still sitting here?"

For these women, standing with each other made the difference.

I've experienced something similar. Years ago I was asked to do a radio show for Bonneville Communications. It was a great opportunity, but I was raising my mostly young children. They asked for a 3-hour daily commitment. Instead, I offered a two-day option at an earlier time (during my daughter’s nap).

Because another potential radio host had desired the same family friendly option, Bonneville graciously accommodated us, plus a third mother host, so that we could all be with our families while doing something to make a positive contribution.

Women are a wealth of fabulous love, knowledge and encouragement. As we support each other we can more fully create and enjoy the ideal we’re hoping for.

For an enhanced discussion, watch the TV version of this article on www.studio5.ksl.com or www.conniesokol.com.

Connie Sokol is an author, speaker, TV contributor and mother of seven. Contact her at www.conniesokol.com.

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