Estimated read time: 3-4 minutes
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Ed Yeates ReportingMarried couples do not always see eye to eye, that's a given. Spouses argue! But HOW they argue may be damaging the inside of their bodies in a way they don't even know.
Clinical psychologists are asking more than a hundred couples to come back to the seventh floor of a concrete building to argue. It's all part of a most unusual experiment.
"I keep making a budget and you never stick to it. You keep spending money on junk. Junk? Yes, junk."
"Your budgets are so stupid you wouldn't even know what's junk and what we need in the house because you're never around."
It's not that we argue, but how that may make or break our physical health.
"You have no idea how to handle money - period."
"You're just an idiot."
"I'm an idiot? When it comes to finances, you're completely clueless."
Student researchers Nancy Henry and Ryan Beveridge demonstrate, using almost the same manners and dialogue pulled from the actual study.
"That truck you bought, that we didn't need. I'm done with this. You're such a hypocrite."
While couples picked issues and argued, researchers in another room measured physical markers that very well could accelerate clogging of the arteries.
Dr. Timothy Smith, University of Utah Clinical Psychology: "What we found is that these styles of arguing are related to atherosclerosis, independently of all other things that we looked at, and it was a fairly exhaustive list."
"I think I say that but you don't take no for an answer. If I say I don't really like camping, you say, ‘Oh it will do you some good.'"
"But it did, didn't it? Wasn't that a good weekend?"
This is not a demo, but Marty and Sheila who participated in the actual study. The issue they're dealing with is ongoing. The difference? Compared to others, they disagree with warmth, humor and debate that's not mean spirited. And they compromise.
During another trip they planned…
Sheila: "We were planning a trip and he was opposed to it. And after everything had been planned, deposits made, he baled out."
Marty: "In a way, I think I was being forced to go. I guess I wasn't very open with my feelings."
Despite marked differences in personalities, the two simply picked a new place both wanted to go. After 41 years of marriage...
Sheila: "Marriage is sort of like real estate. You want both parties to win, and there's a middle of the road where both parties feel like they're winning."
When couples argue as demonstrated by Nancy and Henry? The woman had more markers for artery damage if she was hostile. And it worsened if the husband was hostile as well. Damaging markers in the husband were evident when he controlled or dominated the debate or interacted with a wife who was the same way.
Dr. Timothy Smith: "Even if you get your way, there may be a price to pay."
In the next phase of the study, Utah researchers will measure long term damage, and not just to the heart. Yet another theory?
Dr. Timothy Smith: "Chronic stress can accelerate the aging process."
The U study began in 2002 and ended last year. Phase two will get underway later this year and will include younger couples.
