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SALT LAKE CITY — In a way, all couples are an "odd couple." Researchers say they have come up with certain tips that will help a 'clean freak' and a 'slob' live happily together. But, some relationship coaches say the neat person in the relationship may feel some resentment.
One person in the relationship will always have a higher threshold for disorder than the other. But, there are ways to work around this problem. Researchers from Kansas State University, along with marriage counselors from California, offered NBC News these three tips, and they make a lot of sense to some relationship coaches in Utah.
Communicate and negotiate tasks without insulting the other person.
Relationship Coach Matt Townsend, PhD., says it's not reasonable for the clean freak to expect to change their partner into being as neat as they are. But, if the couple doesn't deal with the issue, the tension in the relationship could get worse.
"Usually when you're married to one that's in an extreme, you tend to pull the other direction in order to create balance," Townsend said.
Figure out what's behind the mess.
Let's say the kids are playing and they left a lot of toys on the floor. The 'clean one' in the relationship comes home and starts yelling at everyone because the house is, in their opinion, "a disaster area," even if cleaning it up only takes a few minutes. Did the "clean freak" overreact? Possibly. Townsend says the couple will need to talk and decide if the reaction was equal to the problem.
"I don't tend to feel as much of a grudge because I'm benefiting because I'm loving somebody I care for." Matt Townsend, Relationship Coach
But, the mess may not be the actual problem. Townsend says the tidy one in the relationship may be feeling disrespected by seeing the other person not cleaning up. That feeling of disrespect may have triggered the yelling.
Remember why you're together.
Townsend says it helps if the sloppy one in the relationship focuses on the person they love, and not on the cleaning task they hate.
"I don't tend to feel as much of a grudge because I'm benefiting because I'm loving somebody I care for," he said.
These tips can be used for other aspects of relationships. Differences among partners extend well beyond the issue of cleanliness.
"What I see is there tends to be opposites in almost everything. There is the spender and the saver. There's what I call the ‘saint and the sinner.' There's the one that always wants affection and the one that hardly wants affection."
Focuses on these three tips can help relationships to continue to bloom throughout the years, despite the many differences.
