Where has common courtesy gone?

SALT LAKE CITY — I was in an airport shuttle on the way to my hotel. A sign on the roof of the van above the driver's head read, “Tips appreciated.” I thought about that. Throughout the trip the driver largely ignored his passengers while deeply engaged in a conversation on the radio with another driver that edged on the inappropriate. While loading and unloading he treated everyone’s luggage with callous disregard. And when spoken to he was surly, gruff and short with everyone.

Needless to say, there was no tip for this driver to appreciate. The whole experience started a chain of thought: I wondered, just where has common courtesy gone?

It may simply be a sign of my advancing age but it seems that what were once the normally expected courtesies of daily life have become sorely lacking in current society. Doing a bit of research I discovered that I am not the only one who has noticed this. A quick internet search turned up hundreds of articles on the current lack of common courtesy. In fact, one website, common-courtesy.com, makes it clear that it has become a lucrative enterprise to reintroduce this concept to modern businesses and job seekers.

My mother would shake her head sadly and my grandmother would simply be appalled. Someone making a living teaching common courtesy? Unbelievable.

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Common courtesy is not so common anymore

Generally speaking, humans are cowards, in my opinion. We try to avoid confrontation if at all possible. But not having to look someone in the eye magically gives a person a feeling of safety, and they lose their natural inhibitions and can say anything they want.

The actress Marlo Thomas addresses this very issue on her website, asking strangers the question, “What's a common courtesy that has been lost?” The top five answers are as follows:

1. Saying "please" and "thank you"
2. Saying "you’re welcome"
3. Saying "excuse me"
4. Not swearing
5. Holding a door Thomas hit it spot on.

When was the last time that you heard “please" and "thank you” from someone making an order at a fast food restaurant? Realizing that you are the customer, “please" and "thank you” can go a long way to making someone’s day a bit more pleasant. I remember reading somewhere that “please" and "thank you” are never inappropriate.

“You’re welcome” and “excuse me,” both almost forgotten phrases, seem to be in similar danger of vaishing from current English usage.

Swearing, the use of odious language at a loud volume and in public, has become common as well. Waiting for the light rail not long ago, I heard a four-letter carnal euphemism used as a noun, a verb, an adverb, a pronoun, a conjunction and an adjective all in well under two minutes. Standing nearby were a number of younger children. Even worse than the language, no one seemed to think anything of it.

Also not long ago, I watched from across the street as an elderly couple attempted to negotiate the door into a small shop. Seven or eight people pushed past. A gentleman — and I use the term "gentleman" with respect — stopped and held the door for the couple. Any one of the people who pushed past could have done the same, but they simply didn’t.

I realized that I am a part of the problem, too, so lately I have worked to remember to use "please," "thank you," "excuse me" and "you’re welcome." I try to hold my tongue as well as the occasional door. I feel better about the world, and I think my mom and grandmother would be pleased.

And this all started with a shuttle ride from the airport.

Guy is a longtime educator, having taught and coached tennis and swimming. He is school safety and security administrator for the Bonneville School District in Idaho Falls, Idaho. Guy has been married for 26 years and has three children.

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