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SALT LAKE CITY -- For families like that of 5-year-old Harleigh Wilson, who died in a fire Friday at a mobile home park in Clearfield, future holiday seasons can bring back painful reminders of the loss their family suffered over the holidays this year.
TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, is a group dedicated to helping people cope with the loss of military family members. But their advice is universal.
TAPS issued a news release with a list of 13 steps to help anyone who is grieving during the holidays:
- Take charge of your holiday season
Anticipating the holiday, especially if it's the first one without a cherished family member, can be worse than the actual holiday. Taking charge of your holiday plans and mapping out how you will spend your time can help relieve anxiety. - Make plans
Plan to spend the holidays where you feel nurtured, emotionally safe, and comfortable. Having a plan will help you navigate the holiday season and its activities. But remember to plan for flexibility, as you may not know how your emotions will respond, especially if it is your first holiday season after the death of a loved one. - Find sustenance for the soul
Your church, synagogue, mosque, or other faith community may offer services, resources, and support networks for the bereaved. You may want to look for a support group for people who are grieving and have suffered a similar loss. Families who have lost a loved one serving in the military may find comfort by connecting with other survivors through the TAPS online community, peer support groups, peer mentors, or care groups - Don't be afraid to change your holiday traditions
Some traditions may be a comfort while others can cause pain. Consider which traditions to keep and which ones to forego this year. Do not feel like you have to do something because you have always done it that way. - Include your lost loved one in gift-giving
Consider making a donation to a charity in memory of your loved one. Give a gift on behalf of your loved one to someone else. - Create a tribute
Light a candle, display a favorite photograph, or set a place at the dinner table to represent the missing loved one. Consider writing a letter to your loved one about the holidays and your special memories with that person. - Be gentle with yourself
Realize that familiar traditions, sights, smells, and even tastes may be comforting or may jolt your emotions. This is the time of year when you need to be careful with your emotions and listen to yourself. - Attend holiday functions if you can
Consider attending holiday parties and events, especially if you'll be able to spend time with supportive family members and friends. Make an escape plan in case the event is more than you can handle and trust your hosts to understand if you need to slip out. If you think a holiday gathering might be more than you can bear, it is OK to stay home. - Don't pretend you haven't experienced a loss
Imagining that nothing has happened does not make the pain of losing a loved one go away, nor does it make the holidays easier to endure. Even though holiday memories may be painful, they can be comforting. It is OK to talk with others about what you have lost and what the holidays mean to you. - Pay attention to your health
It's often difficult for people who have experienced a recent loss to sleep. Make sure you get regular rest and drink lots of water. Do not over-indulge in sweets or alcohol. If you feel overwhelmed, talk with your medical care provider. - Take stock of both joy and sadness
Give yourself permission to feel joy as well as sadness. Don't feel like you have to "be a certain way" because of your loss or because it is the holidays. Just be yourself. - Express your feelings
Bottling up your feelings may add to distress, not lessen it. To express your feelings, use your creativity to write a poem, talk with a supportive friend, create a painting, or pen a journal entry. - Share your holiday season with someone else
There are many lonely people who might like to experience the holiday season alongside someone else. Consider volunteering with a local charity or soup kitchen, inviting a neighbor for a special holiday meal, or including others in your holiday activities.
The organization has more tips online at www.taps.org.
E-mail: bbruce@ksl.com
