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SALT LAKE CITY — As mothers, we deal regularly in the business of love.
We hand over our hearts, minds and souls to our children without thinking twice; then dedicate a good portion of our lives to ensuring their health, happiness and success.
Isn't it funny then, how we often refuse that same love and respect to someone equally important in the family equation: ourselves.
A recent TODAY Moms survey revealed that of the more than 3,000 women polled, 31 percent said they "hated" their bodies. Odds are if you were to survey your group of mom friends, you'd find similar results.
So what can we do to fall in love — or at least "in like" — with the bodies we're left with after we bring children into the world?
1. Recognize the reality
I distinctly remember (well, maybe not distinctly — I was terribly sleep deprived, after all) pulling my exhausted self out of my hospital bed after giving birth to my first child and catching a glimpse of my body in the bathroom mirror. I'm almost certain I let out an audible cry.
Who was this woman? Why did she still look seven months pregnant? The baby did make it out of her, right?
#poll
In true amateur fashion, I packed a pair of my pre-baby jeans in my hospital bag, anxious to rid myself of all things stretchy and yearning to trade in the bulk for a distinguishable shape. I won't tell you how many tears I shed when, as we were preparing to go home, I held up said jeans to the hips that had become unrecognizable now that they were seemingly doubled in size.
Thank goodness I packed my elastic-waist gaucho pants too.
While some women can give birth and walk out of the hospital 5 pounds below their pre-pregnancy weight (read: Hollywood actresses), it's important to remember that the vast majority cannot. Your body just accomplished an unbelievably incredible thing, and while it may look different, it is still extraordinary.
"Giving birth was 10 times harder than running a marathon," said mom Amanda Berns. "I feel like my body should have some sort of proof that I went through this life-changing experience."
2. Set reasonable goals
Back to the topic of Hollywood mothers: Two-thirds of the moms who responded to the TODAY Moms poll said images of celebrities looking fit immediately after giving birth make them feel worse about themselves.
I'm not going to pretend like I know exactly what these women do to get bikini-ready a few months postpartum, but I'm going to guess their methods aren't exactly healthy. Or maybe they're healthy, but likely not realistic for the average woman.
Giving birth was 10-times harder than running a marathon. I feel like my body should have some sort of proof that I went through this life-changing experience.
–Amanda Berns, mother
Since most of us don't have fancy personal chefs and trainers at our disposal, it will be harder to get the results we want right off the bat. The key here is time and consistency.
Telling yourself you're going to run 12 miles a day, seven days a week, when you have a 3-week-old baby at home is only going to depress you. Trust me, I know this from personal experience.
Pace yourself. Remember how you just grew a human being inside you and then pushed it out? I think it goes without saying that your body is going to need a little time to heal.
"Just like you've had to slow down the rest of your life because you've had kids, you need to slow down your expectations for your body," Dr. Margo Maine, author of The Body Myth, told Parenting Magazine.
It's all about baby steps, people. Start with a short walk around the block with your little one a couple times a week. When that becomes cake, make that walk a little longer and more frequent. And when you can do that without breaking a sweat, turn that walk into a run.
"I loved the soft and squishy me that my baby loved, then got to work to be the kind of me that I would love," said Amy Egbert, mother of two.
It may take four months, it may take four years — the important thing is that it's happening. You're pushing yourself in a reasonable way, and you will see results.
"I'll probably never see a size 4 again, but knowing as long as I eat healthy and exercise then I am content," said Jamie Gillman, mother of four. "At least I will live long enough to be around for my sweet children."
You'll be happier too.
3. Quit comparing
Say it with me now: every woman's body is different. We all have the friend who somehow manages to look like supermodel throughout her pregnancy and immediately after giving birth. Then there's the friend who gets below her high-school weight, thanks to nursing.
I find myself battling the nasty habit of comparing myself to other women on an all-too-regular basis. In these comparisons, I'm always pitting my worst features and traits against the best in others — setting myself up to lose every time.
What good does this do? Absolutely none. Celebrate the beauty in yourself and let that be enough.
"I think it's a matter of accepting the reshaping that happens when you produce loving, wonderful children," said Barbara Rogers, also a mother. "It's really a gift."
After all, chances are that while you're envying your friend's flat stomach, she's wishing she had your sculpted arms.
4. Fight the inner critic
If you're anything like me, you weren't completely happy with the way you looked before you got pregnant — no matter how fit or thin you really were. So dealing with all those changes that come with having a baby make that insecurity even worse.
If my body changing is the price I have to pay for my sweet little man, then I feel honored to pay it.
–Corey Grint, mother
The TODAY Moms poll revealed that two-thirds of respondents worried that their partners no longer liked their bodies. But are their concerns well-founded?
One of my husband's biggest frustrations is my inability to accept myself the way he sees me. He loves my body even when I don't.
Trust that the people who love you aren't focusing on the things over which you give yourself a daily flogging. Start recognizing and acknowledging the positive things about your body. We've established we're already too good at pointing out the bad.
"I struggle accepting what I feel and see as imperfections," said Cindy Maudsley, mother of two. "I wish I could see myself through my (husband's) eyes because he thinks I'm beautiful. Having a supportive partner definitely helps."
Truly make an effort to accept compliments, because shockingly, they're likely true!
5. Consider the reward
Motherhood comes with a price, but most moms would wholeheartedly agree it's completely worth it.
"If my body changing is the price I have to pay for my sweet little man, then I feel honored to pay it," said mom Corey Grint.
After all, even though we may have a little extra flab to pinch, we also have a lot to show for it: children who adore us despite our dress size.
"Bearing children hasn't stopped me from doing anything worthwhile. I can run, work, bike, swim and serve," said Sarah Shore, also a mom. "Pregnancy and childbirth are the most amazing things that my body has done, and I'm OK that there are marks on my body that remind me of what I did."
So stop swooning over your high school photos and embrace the new you: the you that was given the change to facilitate life, a privilege so many yearn for but are unable to experience.
Though your shape may be different, your ability to live life is not.
As long as you can find a babysitter.
Email:jrogers@ksl.com
