Talking to your teens about dating: Workshop helps parents open the door to conversations

In recognition of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month this February, a group of organizations called the Planting Seed Coalition wants to ensure that teens who are actively dating can recognize the signs of a dangerous situation or person.

In recognition of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month this February, a group of organizations called the Planting Seed Coalition wants to ensure that teens who are actively dating can recognize the signs of a dangerous situation or person. (4 PM production, Shutterstock)


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SALT LAKE CITY — Everyone who's ever been a teenager has dreaded having "the talk" with their parents or caregivers.

In recognition of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month this February, a group of organizations called the Planting Seed Coalition wants to ensure that teens who are actively dating can recognize the signs of a dangerous situation or person by educating Salt Lake City youth and their parents on how to forge positive, safe connections.

A workshop organized on Wednesday night explained to caregivers and their teens how they can have that conversation in an effective, comfortable way.

"It's important for teens to have somebody who they feel safe with and is equipped with the knowledge needed to connect them to the resources they need or provide this sort of support early so we can prevent more domestic violence in the future," said Stephanie Niemi-DeHerrera, who works for South Valley Services as the director of the South Valley Sanctuary, a shelter in West Jordan meant to provide support for those who've been a victim of domestic abuse.

The organizations that make up the coalition include the YWCA's Utah chapter, the Rape Recovery Center, Planned Parenthood, Comunidades Unidas and South Valley Services.

Representatives from each of the organizations spoke to teens and their parents during the workshop at the Sorenson Unity Center in Salt Lake City.

"Two times as many feminine-presenting individuals than masculine-presenting individuals reported experiencing physical violence in a relationship," said Abe Rawlings, of South Valley Services, speaking about relationship "red flags."

Other subjects that were broached during the presentation portion of the workshop were "green flags" — the things that teens should be looking for in a potential dating partner — and how parents and caregivers can open up and navigate the channel of communication where they can have healthy, insightful conversations with their teens about how to have a healthy, safe dating life.

"These tips can be used with youth of any age," said Anna Mancera, of the Planned Parenthood Association of Utah.

The Planting Seed Coalition organized a dating workshop designed for teens and their caretakers at the Sorenson Unity Center on Wednesday.
The Planting Seed Coalition organized a dating workshop designed for teens and their caretakers at the Sorenson Unity Center on Wednesday. (Photo: Sky Mundell, KSL.com)

The framework that the Planting Seed Coalition shared for approaching the conversation of safe dating with their children was summed up in the phrase, "Think health, talk social, stay involved."

Mancera explained that it's important that parents discuss the health implications of being sexually active, that they discuss the social pressures their teen may be experiencing from their peers, and to stay involved in their child's life so that they remain open to having conversations about their romantic life with their parents in the future.

Also discussed during the presentation was identifying an appropriate setting in which parents and caregivers can show their teens that they are in a safe space to have that conversation.

"My mom used to take me on car rides to talk just to get away from all the chaos back at the house," said Sam Judd-Kim of the Rape Recovery Center.

Judd-Kim explained that these "safe spaces" can look like a variety of different things. For some parents, it could mean engaging in an activity that their child is involved in; for others, it can be a physical meeting place or time where the teen understands that they are free to be honest with their caregiver.

The workshop concluded with an open panel where the teens and parents were encouraged to ask representatives from the organizations comprising the Planting Seed Coalition. The panel answered questions from the audience concerning when and how to intervene in a youth's unhealthy relationship, how to guide teens to extra resources when they're needed, and how to teach teens how to set personal boundaries.

South Valley Services, Planned Parenthood Association of Utah and the Rape Recovery Center each have after-school programs designed to navigate the difficult conversations that parents should have with their teens. Those interested or those who weren't able to make the workshop on Wednesday night can visit the websites of these organizations to find workshops or after-school programs near them.

Domestic violence resources

Help for people in abusive relationships can be found by contacting:

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Sky Mundell is an intern at KSL.com. He's in the process of completing a bachelor degree in mutimedia journalism at Weber State University, with a minor in political science. He has worked as assistant news editor at The Signpost, the university's student-run newspaper.
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