A Parent's View: Why mommies should stop judging mommies

A Parent's View: Why mommies should stop judging mommies



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SALT LAKE CITY — It’s easy to judge other mothers. Perhaps it comes from a sense of my own inadequacies, as if pinpointing other people’s mistakes can make mine that much smaller.

Whatever the reason, most mothers (and human beings, for that matter) judge other moms at some point in their lives. Maybe it’s the mom flipping through Cosmopolitan magazine at the park while her child stabs a stick into another child’s eye, or maybe it’s the mom who always has a nanny so she can spend her mornings at yoga class.

So I was intrigued by a recent effort by Redbook magazine to declare a No-Judgment Day among mothers. Instead of harboring ill will toward mothers who parent differently, Redbook's day sans judgment encourages moms to be proactive about bonding together and to help each other though the chaos, uncertainty and self-doubt of motherhood.

For the most part, I think mothers judge each other innocently. It’s more a passing observation than any genuine ill will. But still, the thought is there, and I think it drives a wedge when really mothers have every reason in the world to bond together.

Share your thoughts ...

Redbook also asked the question, "How would you finish this sentence, Don’t judge me because ..."

So, here goes: Don’t judge me because...

  • My house is always a disaster. I know my living room looks like I purposefully scattered clothes and toys around to see how much I could fit in one room, but I swear it was spotless an hour ago. And I know my kitchen is shellacked in something that smells sweet and is sticky, but believe me, I’ve tried to get it off the floor, the chairs and the walls. It won’t budge.
  • I pass off the kids when the husband gets home. I swore I wouldn’t do this, but I have fallen into that dreaded category of things I swore I’d never do until I had actual, real-life children. When my husband gets home, I clock out. I make dinner alone. I check my email. I take a nap or work. It's been all-kids, all the time, all day. So when he walks through the door, it’s his turn.
  • I forget to bathe my kids. I have no excuse for this one, but I just forget. A lot. Days will go by and my husband will ask if the kids need a bath, and I have to recount in my head what I was doing the last time I remember bathing them. Someday we’ll laugh about this. I just know it.

Which of your mommy traits do you not want judged? Do you think mothers could use a break from judging each other? Share your thoughts on the Comment Board or the Motherhood Matters Facebook page


Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for the Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, Stewart discusses it all while her 4-year-old daughter crams Mr. Potato Head pieces in her little sister's nose.

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