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SALT LAKE CITY -- The first time the University of Utah and the Brigham Young Academy (which later became Brigham Young University) played each other in sports, the contest was a game of baseball. The baseball game was anything but friendly. Neither team scored a single point, and the game ended with both teams clearing the benches in a knock-down, drag-out fight.
That was in 1895.
The second time the two schools met, the contest was in football. Even though it was an April scrimmage, the fans took the game seriously. In fact, the fans took it so seriously they brawled on the side of the field. One witness described the injuries of some of the fans, saying it “looked like they had been through a sausage mill.”
The first time Utah and BYU played each other in sports, the baseball game ended with a bench-clearing brawl. That was 1895.
That was in 1896.
Even though the rivalry between the schools started with two brawls, not every meeting between the Utah and BYU has ended in a fight between players or fans. Still, there has been plenty of bitter hatred spewed out by both sides in what some call the Holy War. Some BYU fans whine that they have been unduly persecuted by the school to the north, while some Utah fans cry they have been made to feel inferior by the school to the south.
More recently the rivalry has turned into more of a war of words. Some Utah fans took personal offense when BYU quarterback Max Hall said, “I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything.” A few years before, some BYU fans had their feathers ruffled when Utah quarterback Alex Smith said, “I really hate them. Playing in the game helped me understand. They are the most arrogant people.”
Can this kind of hatred in the rivalry between BYU and Utah — this vile and bitter rancor — exist between a husband and wife? What about the couples where one spouse attended one school while the other attended the sworn rival’s school? Can a person who roots for the blue find true love with one who roots for the red? Such a relationship almost sounds like a modern Utah version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wendi Dunford said for many the devotion to one team over the other can be very similar to one's devotion to a religion.
Wendi Dunford, a family and individual therapist who works in Salt Lake City, regularly interacts with rivalry couples. Dunford also enjoys a perspective not everyone associated with the rivalry does, having attended both universities.
While some may call the rivalry between BYU and Utah the Holy War half jokingly, Dunford said for many the devotion to one team over the other can be very similar to one’s devotion to a religion. When both members of a couple are strongly convicted to different religions, the relationship usually does not hold up. The same can be said about die-hard Utah and BYU fans. Dunford claimed that in most cases, the wife ends up cheering on the husband’s team, if he is a devoted fan, just to keep the peace in the marriage. Apparently, these women realize their marriage is worth more than a college sports rivalry.
What about couples where neither person is a died-in-the-wool fan? No conversion to the other side’s team may be necessary, claims Dunford, since these couples are more likely to act with mutual respect. These couples may teach their children the fight song from their preferred school so the children will sing it to the other parent, but that is about the extent of any conflict in the marriage when it comes to the Utah and BYU rivalry.
Of course, there are some marriages where the rivalry is a big deal and results in fights every year when the Cougar and Ute football teams face off. Such fighting, according to Dunford, is normally symptomatic of a larger or deeper problem between the husband and wife. Instead of addressing the real conflict between them, these couples choose to battle it out over the rivalry football game.
If you experience such conflict with your spouse every rivalry week, Dunford suggested seeking help from a marriage therapist who can assist you in resolving the conflict and repair any damage done to the relationship.
Steven Symes has a degree in English from BYU and works full time as a writer. His wife attended the University of Utah. You can read more of Steven's thoughts on writing and other subjects at writerstevensymes.blogspot.com.
