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You've waited 40 long weeks, endured sore muscles, exhaustion, strange cravings and swollen ankles. Your baby has finally come. She is perfectly healthy. He has his daddy's nose. Everyone is thrilled. Everyone except you.
It is very normal to go through what is often referred to as the baby blues in the days and first couple of weeks following your child's birth. These blues affect nearly 80 percent of women who give birth, according to Dr. C. Neill Epperson of the Yale University School of Medicine.
Following birth, the hormone changes that have changed drastically during pregnancy quickly return to their pre-pregnancy levels, increasing the mood swings that often accompany the blues. But what about the feelings of sadness, sense of being overwhelmed and perhaps even anxiety that persist beyond the first couple of weeks?
• Depressed mood, often manifested by tearfulness, hopelessness and a feeling of emptiness
• Loss of interest/pleasure in daily activities
• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia
• Fatigue, loss of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness, unwarranted guilt
• Inability to concentrate, make decisions or function effectively at home or work
• Suicidal thoughts
Sadness, irritability, anxiety and other symptoms that last beyond two weeks are often referred to as postpartum depression or PPD. It is estimated that 10 to 20 percent of women experience some degree of PPD following a birth. Since not all women seek treatment, the numbers could be much greater.
PPD is highly treatable. Fear of being judged, admitting weakness or feeling like it is “wrong” to be unhappy are just a couple of reasons why some women do not seek help. For the sake and safety of both mother and baby (or babies), help should be sought as quickly as possible.
Sandra (name changed by request) just had her first baby, a son. He was healthy and handsome, and her family was overjoyed to have a new nephew and grandchild. Sandra couldn't understand why she didn't feel at all connected to her baby. Everything she had ever read or seen told her that she would feel an instant bond and a love like nothing she had ever felt before, but it just wasn't there. She assumed she was just tired from the birthing process.
Days passed. Then weeks. While she was sure she cared about her son, the concern she had over the lack of connection she felt grew. It became increasingly difficult for Sandra to accomplish everyday tasks. Showering, eating, even getting out of bed was a chore. Laundry, dishes and work assignments all piled up. Before long, she started having terrible thoughts and images. She was afraid to bathe her baby alone or drive. Those around her knew something was wrong but didn't know what to say or how to help. It took Sandra hitting what she believes was the deepest pit to recognize that she needed help.
“I was afraid to admit I couldn't do it all. I had always been the one helping others and somehow accomplishing everything. Now I needed help. If I told anyone I had thoughts of harming myself or my son, would they take him away from me? What would my husband think? My parents? ”
- National Institute of Mental Health, NIH, HHS, phone: (301) 496-9576, http://www.nimh.nih.gov
- National Mental Health Information Center, SAMHSA, HHS, phone: (800) 789- 2647 , http://www.mentalhealth.or g
- American Psychological Association, phone: (800) 374-2721, http://www.apa.org
- National Mental Health Association, phone: (800) 969-NMHA, http://www.nmha.org
- Postpartum Education for Parents, phone: (805) 564- 3888 , http://www.sbpep.org
- Postpartum Support International, phone: (800) 944- 4PPD, (800) 944-4773, http://www.postpartum.net
Her son was nearly 10 months old before she finally got the help she needed.
“I shouldn't have waited so long. My doctor was so incredibly supportive and understanding. No one judged me — they just wanted to help. I learned that depression — not just PPD — is a medical condition. It is no different than, say, diabetes. You would never tell a friend with diabetes to 'snap out of it' or 'just be happy.' I'll never view depression the same way ever again. I'm glad I did get help, but I wish someone had brought up the subject. Bringing it up was the hardest part for me.”
If you are the spouse, father, grandparent, brother, sister or friend of the new mother, you may know something isn't quite right but you don't want to "butt in" where you're not wanted. If you have never experienced depression yourself, it may be difficult for you to understand what the mother may be feeling. If she isn't willing to bring up her situation, you may need to take the first step and start the conversation. Here are a few strategies to keep in mind:
- The most important thing you can be is a friend.
- Listen, offer support and help where needed. Remember, there isn't always a reason for being sad, weepy or moody.
- Be careful with what you say and how you say it. Telling someone they should be happy because so many people are much worse can add to the feelings of guilt.
- Let her know you care about her and she is not alone.
- Be willing to follow through with all promises.
Sarah Nasson is a high school color guard director, health enthusiast, mom and lover of all things delicious.
