NORTH OGDEN — As a parent, you probably have experienced a myriad of emotions when engaging with your child. You probably have also been on the opposite side, witnessing your child experience a wide range of emotions, as well.

If your child is older, you may remember the 2-year-old stage when your kid would just flop themselves on the floor and scream for a few minutes. But what happens after a child is better able to understand what they are feeling beyond a 2-year-old level?

Parents can feel stuck at times because they know which emotion is being expressed from their kid, and the child may not understand it or the impact that it has on those around them.

Additionally, parents may not feel comfortable or able to discuss feelings openly with their child. This may be for a variety of reasons — from not having experience in talking about their own childhood emotions to simply not knowing how to approach a 10-year-old that acts out physically when experiencing anger.

It may even be that the parent doesn’t know what they personally are feeling in a variety of situations.

A parent that can push past the discomfort in discussing emotions is doing a great service for his or her child in a variety of ways. Here are a few reasons that I like the best:

Your child can gain a better sense of emotional intelligence

At the Tree of Life Counseling Center, our therapists define emotional intelligence as the ability to have awareness and control and express emotions. This type of intelligence is crucial for children to master in order to build relationships at home, with their peers, and even into adulthood for their future careers.

In her work with children therapist Kelci Beus finds that children with high emotional intelligence will feel more able to handle conflicts in their relationships and have greater empathy for what others are experiencing. By talking about feelings with your kid, you are building their awareness of the emotions and how they are currently being expressed.

Your child can feel more comfortable in approaching you about a strong emotion

Sometimes, a son or daughter may not think that mom or dad wants to hear that he or she is feeling sad, angry or hurt. You may even be sending an unspoken message that strong emotions are better kept to yourself.

Our therapists focus a great deal on positive reinforcement. A key element of Beus' work is to teach parents that when you respond positively to your child telling you something difficult that he or she is experiencing, your child may feel more able to repeat the action in the future. This skill will be beneficial as your child grows and encounters new feelings and experiences that you would like them to share with you.

You and your child can have a stronger bond

By letting your daughter know that you, too, have experienced sadness, you are letting her know that you can relate and understand where she is coming from. Your son will appreciate that his father knows what it is like to feel anxious when taking a test or raising his hand in class.

This isn’t to say that your experience of feeling angry is the same as your child's experience, because we do feel our emotions individually. Your role is more to help your child see that even though you may not express your feelings overtly, you still have had that feeling at some point. You can have a connection in your shared feeling.

A final consideration to make here is to ensure that you are talking about feelings on an appropriate level. It can be overwhelming for a child to have a parent unload some heavy experiences on them if they are not mature enough to understand them. It’s best to keep conflicting emotions around experiences like divorce or other past difficulties to yourself. Keeping things simple like, “I felt mad today and my face felt hot,” may be just enough for a young child.

The practice of talking to your kids about emotions does not have to be extremely in-depth. Simply keeping the skill in your mind can prove helpful to use when it is needed.

Your son or daughter may thank you someday for helping them grow in their emotional development. In our work with children of all ages, we've found parents can help their children better manage emotions by helping them understand their function and personal expression of them. The more practice a child has, the more able he or she will be to handle stronger emotions as they happen.

Contributing: Kelci Beus, ACMHC at the Tree of Life Counseling Center. Her primary focus is working with children of all ages.

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