Estimated read time: 5-6 minutes
LOS ANGELES — "Hate" is such a strong word, but we're human enough to admit hating on things — especially Christmas songs — can be a joyous exercise. Healing, even!
After all, some Christmas songs seem created to be hated. Others have wormed their way so far into our brains and culture that our reactions to them are beyond our control.
It's likely impossible to create a definitive list of hated Christmas songs, and it's certainly impossible to do so without inviting the contrarian rage of the estimated three individuals who actually enjoy listening to "The Christmas Shoes." But let's try anyway.
Songs people just don't like
"The Christmas Shoes"
Written and performed by NewSong, 2000
"The Christmas Shoes," originally recorded in 2000 by Christian vocal group NewSong, inspires a very specific ire. It is a depressing (or heartwarming) Christmas parable wherein a little boy tries to buy a pair of shoes for his mother for Christmas but the mother is terminally ill, and her son wants her to look pretty when she meets Jesus after her death. The jaded singer is moved to purchase the shoes, and the true meaning of Christmas is restored.
Like many hated things, "The Christmas Shoes" is also wildly popular. It spawned a book and a movie and has been streamed more than 12 million times on Spotify. It has topped many a "Worst Christmas Song" list, and now it's on this one.
"Wonderful Christmastime"
Written and performed by Paul McCartney, 1979
It takes a seasoned music expert to explain why a jolly synth ditty by a literal Beatle makes people turn off the radio. In 2021, musicologist Nate Sloan explained to Mental Floss that the song's lyrics and structure are "simple to a fault." It could also be the instrumentation, which consists of synths and bells and seemingly whatever else McCartney had lying around his living room when inspiration struck.
When it comes to Christmas music, "usually the timbral palette leans toward the acoustic, and by extension, nostalgic, sounds of 'real' instruments," Sloan said, noting that the use of synths in "Wonderful Christmastime" are "staccato, harsh and tinny."
Regardless, it's also widely loved and despised.
"Do They Know It's Christmas?"
Written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure, performed by Band Aid, 1984
The holidays are a fruitful time for pontificating about things like gratitude, personal privilege, and whether certain people are satisfied with their seasonal snowfall.
With "Do They Know It's Christmastime?," one CNN staffer put it, "On paper, this should be great. George Michael, Bob Geldof, Bono, Simon Le Bon, Phil Collins, Sting, Boy George — all those '80s icons brought together for a good cause. But once you stop trying to spot the superstars in the video with their carefully tousled hair, all you're left with is nine excruciating choruses of 'FEED the WORLD …'"
Bob Geldof has nobly taken the blame for what has aged into a cringe-inducing and myopic holiday take on humanitarianism: "I am responsible for two of the worst songs in history," Geldof said in 2010. "The other is 'We Are the World.'"
Songs people don't like because, surely, that is the point
"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
Written by Randy Brooks, performed by Elmo and Patsy, 1979
You know things have gotten weird when even the creator of a novelty Christmas song expresses surprise that people still listen to it. This tender ballad was originally recorded as a kind of joke by Elmo Shropshire and his then-wife Patsy Trigg in 1979.
It rolled around on different records and gained some traction, and Shropshire recorded it a few times after he and Trigg divorced. The high point of the song's infamy arguably came in 1985 when a disgruntled DJ in Davenport, Iowa played "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" 27 times in a row before being pulled off air and suspended.
"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)"
Written by Ross Bagdasarian, 1958
It's generally understood that "The Chipmunk Song," and really any "Alvin and the Chipmunks" Christmas song, is an acquired taste. Did you know this song won three Grammys? Yes, three 1958 Grammys, for best comedy performance, best children's recording and best engineered record (non-classical).
It was even nominated for record of the year. Granted, at the time, the technique of speeding up the tracks to produce the grating "chipmunk" voices probably seemed rather charming. It is no longer, except to a few.
"Baby, It's Cold Outside"
Written by Frank Loesser, 1944
This highly controversial Christmas song has a lot of haters, whether they find offense with early recordings featuring Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan or Dean Martin and Marilyn Maxwell, or the seemingly endless recreations that have spun forth in the decades since.
Much discourse has been devoted to whether the interplay between the male and female voices amounts to cozy sexual harassment or a sly coded exchange. During the early days of the #MeToo movement, some radio stations even chose to skip the song. However, when John Legend and Kelly Clarkson released a consent-heavy updated version in 2019, it wasn't a hit, either. Among its critics was Dean Martin's daughter, Deana Martin, who called the remake, with lines like "It's your body and your choice," "absolutely absurd."
