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SALT LAKE CITY — In 2014, Candalyn Winder Mettmann accepted a teaching position in China — a monumental step for her, her husband Isaac Winder and their 2-year-old daughter to begin traveling the world.
"We boarded that plane with stars in our eyes for each other and the life we were making for our daughter," she recalled.
In just six weeks, what once seemed like a dream quickly became a nightmare as her husband fell ill to "multiple serious complications." Six weeks after getting sick, he passed away — leaving behind his wife and the couple's young daughter.
"Every loss of a caregiver is heartbreaking, devastating and life-changing," she said.
Stories like Winder Mettmann's are a part of what prompted the creation of the Children's Collaborative For Healing and Support, which officially launched its pilot program Thursday in Salt Lake City. This first-of-its-kind initiative harnesses community partnerships to identify and connect children who are grieving the death of a parent or caregiver with resources to help them effectively cope and continue to live healthy, fulfilling lives.
Winder Mettmann said after her husband died, she and her daughter "felt some of the consequences immediately."
Her daughter began suffering from severe separation anxiety, not wanting to be out of her mother's arms even for a moment. Winder Mettmann said her brain was foggy and every decision felt like scaling an insurmountable mountain. On top of that, her entire body ached and she dealt with endless stomachaches and headaches. They both lost their appetites and struggled to eat.
"I was trying to take care of my baby through her most tragic loss, but I was doing it during the most devastating experience of my life," Winder Mettmann said. "I had no idea what I was doing and I could only rely on my instincts to get through each day."
As tragic as it was, their experience was not at all a unique one.
In Utah, one in 15 children — over 63,000 — will experience the death of a parent or sibling before they turn 18, according to a report from Judi's House, a foundation that offers support to grieving children.
"We can't let these families suffer alone," Utah Gov. Spencer Cox said at Thursday's launch event. "We have the resources already available and we need to use them."
The pilot program will take a two-pronged approach to help children and families who are in situations like Winder Mettmann to persevere through the hardest challenges of their lives.
In Utah, one in 15 kids will lose a parent or caregiver before turning 18 years old. We won't let these children suffer alone.
— Utah Gov. Spencer J. Cox (@GovCox) May 25, 2023
Today @CCHSnational announced a new initiative in Utah to connect children who've lost a parent or caregiver with organizations and resources that will… pic.twitter.com/EPhrPAnjpk
In collaboration with the University of Utah's Kem C. Gardner Policy Institute, the program is working to match birth records with death records of those who have children under 18, creating a statewide network that can identify those in need of support and create a pipeline for getting that support.
The second novel aspect is the program partnering with Granite School District — one of the state's largest school districts — to help grieving students in the district. When families submit back-to-school paperwork ahead of the upcoming school year, they will have the option to note whether their student has recently experienced the death of a caregiver or sibling.
Doing so will alert the school, the student's teachers, bus drivers and all of the administration that that child may be in need of additional support, said Catherine Jaynes, CEO of the Children's Collaborative for Healing and Support.
"Schools are uniquely positioned, given our role as hubs in the community, of connecting children and their families to these resources," said Rich Nye, superintendent of the Granite School District. "It is with a very grateful heart of this superintendent that I appreciate partnerships like these that will, in a very real way, meet the needs of our students so they can be successful."
The program is being funded in large part through a $1 million grant courtesy of the New York Life Foundation that was also announced Thursday.
Heather Nesle, president of the New York Life Foundation, said Utah was the perfect state for the pilot program.
"Not only do they have pristine records that we can use, but they're willing and happy to work together across state agencies to link birth records and death records (and) to link city and state agencies with nonprofits who can do outreach and stay with the family through the process until they receive what they deserve," Nesle said.
While Utah is the first state to partner with the Children's Collaborative for a statewide pilot program, Jaynes said she hopes the Beehive State is the "first of 49 plus."
Jaynes added that the future of the Children's Collaborative will be continuing to expand throughout the state to work with as many groups as possible — including Indigenous groups and additional school districts — to build a support network throughout the state.
Since losing her husband, a lot has changed for Winder Mettmann.
She and her daughter moved back to their support system in Utah and she eventually married "a wonderful man" who has raised her daughter as his own.
"Together, we have rebuilt a beautiful life that includes many memories of my Isaac, but we continue to feel the impact of his death, even eight years later," Winder Mettmann said.
"Every grieving child deserves what my daughter had: long-term financial stability, community support and professionals who understand them," Winder Mettmann said. "They deserve to have loved ones with the time and resources to show up. They deserve a safe space to land. They deserve a chance to rebuild that beautiful life after their loss."
