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LEHI — For parents of young children, keeping kids safe online can seem like an increasingly difficult task, with little margin for error.
As technology continues to worm itself into nearly every facet of our daily lives and the amount of content available online grows exponentially, many parents may find themselves overwhelmed trying to protect their kids from all the harmful, offensive or inappropriate content out there.
That's why Clay Olsen's advice is simple: Start small.
Olsen is the founder and CEO of Impact Suite, which recently partnered with the Malouf Foundation to create the Raise parenting app — a free resource to help parents navigate online safety and develop healthy relationships with technology alongside their children.
Impact Suite owns and operates several self-care and mental health apps. The Malouf Foundation is a Utah-based nonprofit dedicated to confronting child sexual exploitation, which recently merged with the Elizabeth Smart Foundation.
At the Raise Digital Safety Conference and app launch last month in Lehi, Olsen said that rather than trying to tackle everything all at once, the Raise app can help parents prioritize the aspects of online safety that are most important to them and build from there.
"It can be extremely overwhelming," Olsen said. "We recommend that parents start in one area, rather than trying to account for every category today, let's find one category and start to make adjustments and changes in that one area which will then yield dividends and give them empowerment and strength."
No matter where parents start, Olsen said, the most important thing is that they do start having honest conversations with their kids.
"On average, parents spend about 46 minutes addressing online safety throughout their (kids') entire childhood, when over 90% of parents are concerned about these issues," he said. "So there's a huge gap between what parents are doing and what their concern levels are. We want to help close that gap."
Removing shame from the conversation
Activist Elizabeth Smart and Olsen headlined the Raise conference, along with several other activists and online safety advocates. One of them was 18-year-old Smith Alley, who spoke of his struggles with pornography, and the mental health issues that followed.
Although Alley knew that he was supposed to tell his parents the first time he accidentally came across pornographic images online as a kid, coming clean was much easier said than done.
"I said, 'Turn it off and tell an adult, oh, that's easy,'" Alley said. "I turned it off and I put the tablet down. And I think about the second part: Tell an adult. And immediately my mind went back to this kid who never thought he was going to be good enough. And I was worried and afraid that even though it wasn't my fault — even though I hadn't gone searching for what I had just seen — that my parents would be disappointed or ashamed of me."
"So my life went on like this and I kept this hidden secret inside of myself," he said.
Alley knows that pornography can be uncomfortable to discuss — for both children and parents — but that makes it all the more important that parents have frank and honest discussions with their kids.
And I was worried and afraid that even though it wasn't my fault — even though I hadn't gone searching for what I had just seen — that my parents would be disappointed or ashamed of me.
–Smith Alley
"We do not come to this earth with shame in us, shame can only be transferred from one person to another," Alley said. "So that means if you, your child, your parents or anyone in your family has shame around the concept of pornography, it's because it's been given to them. ... And because of that, we have to be able to remove the shame from this conversation, right? We have to be able to say ... the word 'pornography' without cringing in front of you."
The best thing parents can do is make space for their children so that when — "not if," Alley said — they encounter inappropriate material online, they feel comfortable and unashamed to seek help.
Alley recommends establishing what he calls a "no-trouble bubble" to have discussions with kids that are focused on support, rather than consequences.
"When you get there you have a script," Alley said. "And you are allowed to do these three things in the no-trouble bubble and nothing else: You say 'I love you,' you give them a hug that lasts eight seconds and you ask them, 'How can I best support you in becoming the person that you want to be?' There's no shame, right?"
Using social media as a tool
Alley also opened up about how social media comparisons hurt his own self-image, and nearly led to him trying to take his own life. It wasn't until he found one of Olsen's organizations on social media that Alley said he "realized that I wasn't a bad kid, I was a good kid ... enslaved by bad content."
Since then, he's realized that social media can be used as a powerful tool, but only if wielded correctly.
"Technology can be used for a lot of good things if it's not used as a medicator, as a way to entertain," he said. "I continue to try to use my social media platform for good, but I try not to have my heartstrings connected to it."
It's important for parents to help their children set their own boundaries for social media, Alley said, and encouraged parents to ask kids about their purpose and intent behind wanting to spend more time online.
Alley isn't the only one concerned about the potential negative impacts of social media. During his monthly news conference in October, Gov. Spencer Cox reiterated the importance of having conversations with kids about the harms social media can cause to teens, including disrupting sleep, exposing them to cyberbullying and unrealistic views of their peers' lives.
"We all need to talk to our young people about their mental health and we need to be honest about the negative effects that social media platforms and cellphones are having on young people, especially young women," Cox said. "When it comes to protecting our children and teens, everything should be on the table."
How Raise can help
Just as Olsen advised, the Raise app can help parents identify their most pressing needs and offers support for improving one day at a time. The app was developed with experts in childhood development, neuroscience, law enforcement, psychology, among others, and can help with issues like screen time, pornography, cyberbullying and online predators.
The app's analytics can help parents and children evaluate and track their progress over time. Raise is available on the Apple and Google app platforms, or you can sign up online at joinraise.com.
