Estimated read time: 5-6 minutes
This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.
WEST POINT, Davis County — A tongue-in-cheek classifieds listing for a TV stand is making a lot of people laugh.
Heather Dixson decided she needed to find a new home for the TV stand she recently purchased on Overstock.com after struggling to put it together. She posted an ad listing the "almost put together" TV stand on KSL Classifieds Wednesday.
"Gloria Steinem once said, 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,' but obviously Gloria Steinem has never put together Overstock furniture because I really could've used a man here," the start of the post reads.
Dixon's entertaining post describes her misadventures with trying to assemble the piece of furniture and realizing it was a different size than she needed. The classifieds ad was viewed more than 27,000 times by Friday morning, with many people sharing it on social media.
However, even though Dixon said she has received a lot of text messages from people who enjoyed the post, no one has expressed interest in purchasing it until late Friday afternoon.
"No one wants a TV stand that's not put together, I guess," she laughed.
While not attempting to assemble TV stands, Dixon works as a storyboard artist for Disney Interactive. She also posts stories and comics to her blog Story Monster, which she created in about 2006 before graduating from college.
One of her most recent comics illustrates when she met Dick Van Dyke after running a Star Wars-themed 10K in Disneyland this January. She shared the story of how she totally "geeked out" when the star's wife invited her to join them at the Cheesecake Factory after a show.
Dixon channeled those comic talents to create her humorous classifieds listing, although the key inspiration for that piece of writing was frustration. She spent several hours trying to put the TV stand together with her younger sister, only to be stumped by the instructions on how to install the glass pieces.
If she can sell her current stand, Dixon might build up the courage to buy another one someday.
"I'm a little scared to (buy another stand) now," she laughed. "I think I might actually measure things and put a little thought into it before blindly ordering like I did this last time."
The original text of the KSL.com classifieds listing:
Gloria Steinem once said "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" but obviously Gloria Steinem has never put together overstock furniture because I really could've used a man here.
First off a man would have actually MEASURED the wall to see how tall the furniture needed to be...or actually noticed at how tall overstock said the said furniture actually was before actually ordering actually it. (In my defense, I swear overstock decorated it with miniature-sized furniture to make it look larger. Look at the picture (attached for your convenience) and tell me this looks much larger than 24" high. IT DOES. YOU KNOW IT DOES DON'T LIE.)
Secondly, there were 24 freaking steps to putting this together and how am I expected to count that high? Honestly do they think I'm calculator? I can only count to twenty and that's if I'm barefoot. FAIL, OVERSTOCK.
I expect putting it together might have been easier if I had any a) upper body strength, b) screwdrivers that weren't from the dollar store c) a man or d) all of the above. With that in mind I got to step 16 (or 17 or 18; counting is hard) and I couldn't put the darn glass in the doors because either the screws were too small or my fingers were too big and lest that might be misconstrued as a fat joke I'll blame overstock again. FAIL, OVERSTOCK.
Well one thing led to another and the ceiling fan caught fire and the monkeys escaped with my tick collection, and my parole officer advised that the best thing was to put TV stand up for sale. SO here it is.
COLOR: BLACK DOORS: Yes. DIMENSIONS: 24" tall x 52" wide x 16" deep, or large enough to hold about 1,300 barbie heads. ASSEMBLY: Almost.
It's super sturdy and believe me I know; the box nearly slid on top of me as I pushed it up the stairs. Instructions are included; fat lot of good they did me.
I bought this for over $300 but in light of the political season I have some special pricing:
$250 for normal people.
$250 if you're voting for Trump...but I get to slap you.
$250 if you're voting for Hillary...but you have to slap yourself.
$5,775 if you're voting for Bernie Sanders, but I'll take all the extra profit and distribute it to poor people who don't have TV stands (I hear you guys love that kind of thing.)
One day, one day I will try this again. One day, when I have a man. Maybe even tomorrow! I left a beefstick on my porch so I expect one will be around any minute now and once I catch one, my friend, the reckoning will be glorious, glorious indeed and I will fill my house with AAAALL THE FURNITURE OF ANY SIZE AND ASSEMBLY I WANT!!! HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF TV STANDS BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!
Please contact me via phone only. I want to hear your voice...for some reason no one ever calls me.
