5 things not to do on a first date

By John Clyde | Posted - Apr 25th, 2013 @ 4:14pm

SALT LAKE CITY — First dates can be beyond stressful. Think about it. It's either a blind date with someone you have never met, with someone who has asked you and you're not sure how you feel about it, or you went out on a limb and asked this person out.

With the first scenario you have no idea what to expect, with the second you're nervous about their intentions for asking you out, and the third you've made it known you're obviously interested in them and you're already playing behind in the count.

Apparently the Twitter-verse wanted to help out everyone who is planning on going on first dates from here on out.

The hashtag #WhatNotToDoOnAFirstDate has been trending and some of the tips are really helpful, others, not so much.

I could sit here and give you the ones that everyone knows you shouldn't do, like, "Don't make the girl pay," or "Don't text on your phone the whole time" but you should already know these things. If not then you lack simple manners and you probably shouldn't be dating.

What I'm focusing on instead are the rare gems that may not have occurred to you, because those are usually the quiet killers of love.

So, here we go.

"Don't ask to be sewn together like conjoined twins till date 3 or 4."

This little nugget comes from @agynotes and he makes a good point. If you throw out your hope to one day be conjoined to the love of your life please make sure this person is actually the love of your life.

Truth is, date three or four may be a bit too early. Maybe wait until date seven or eight, just to be sure.

"Quote dialogue from the original ‘Planet of the Apes.' "

Now this one from @mdturneresq1 can be a bit of a double-edged sword.

I would suggest exploring the layout of the situation first. Maybe ask the date, "So what's your favorite movie?" If the date is polite they will respond to the inquiry and then return the question to which you answer, "Planet of the Apes."

If the date has a response along the lines of, "No way. I love that movie too!" you're gold.

If your answer is met with complete silence or simply the response "What?" abort. Then begin to laugh and say, "I'm just kidding" as you proceed to follow @mdturneresq1's suggestion.

"If you have plans for world domination, don't tell the date until maybe the third or fourth date."

It appears @cbcatcher33 has the same third or fourth date policy as @agynotes. Again, third or fourth may still be too early.

World domination is a lot of work and by date three or four you may not get a good feel of the date's work ethic.

If you're going to ask someone to join you in a complete world take over you're going to want make sure he or she is willing to put some good old elbow grease into your fiendish plan.

Get to know this person for a few more dates, maybe ask them to help rip out an old sycamore tree in your yard and see how they do.

If you don't have an old sycamore in your yard or even a yard, no need to worry. If you're planning to take over the world, then destroying a stranger's yard shouldn't be much of an issue for you.

"Tell them you were sorted into Hufflepuff."

This sage advice comes from Professor Snape himself, @_Snape_.

This is just a good rule to follow. Even if your date was sorted into Hufflepuff his or herself, odds are they're going to lie about it.

Thank you professor, wise beyond your years even from beyond the grave…. Sorry, Spoiler Alert.

Wait, if you don't know that you should really get out more and go on some first dates. Well, actually, if you don't know that maybe you spend too much time outside and need to spend more time at home.

"Rotate your head completely around your body and shoot blood out of your eyes. Or take them to Pizza Hut."

This one comes from @Lindzeta and while it's not bad advice, it's a little misguided.

If you turn your head around and shoot blood from your eyes you should go straight to the hospital. If this happens you are not OK. There is a serious medical problem going on here.

Technically if this does happen on a first date and the date doesn't rush you to the ER, you do not want that person by your side for the rest of your life. Not a reliable companion.

The second part is just common sense. Don't take them to Pizza Hut, there's likely a Papa Murphy's nearby. That pizza is cheaper and there's no need to leave a tip. This just makes fiscal sense, and who doesn't love someone who is good with money?

So, there you have it, just a few tips to help you as you move forward with your dating life.

Good luck in your romantic endeavors and let us know what other things we should avoid on a first date on the comment boards, Facebook or send me an email.

John Clyde

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