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SALT LAKE CITY — The other day I rounded the corner to find that my 2-year-old daughter felt compelled to bring her boots out of the laundry room and set hers by mine.
It hit me. I have some big shoes to fill.
If she copies me in the simplest things, like the placement of her boots, what other bigger things is she seeing me do every day and subsequently filing away in that little brain of hers?
It's a scary thought.
The other day we were driving home from somewhere and her older brother called me crazy. I laughed and agreed. My daughter? She flipped. "Mommy not crazy!" she screamed. Even after I laughed again and told her that yes, in fact, I was crazy, she defiantly looked me straight in the eyes and said, "NO! MOMMY NOT CRAZY!"
How does a 2-year-old have so much confidence in my ability when most days I barely have enough confidence in myself? How many nights have I looked back on the day and had some major regrets? Too many.
Big shoes to fill. Big shoes.
How does a 2-year-old have so much confidence in my ability when most days I barely have enough confidence in myself? How many nights have I looked back on the day and had some major regrets? Too many.
But this sweet 2-year-old girl believes in me; believes in my ability to parent, my ability to not be (too) crazy, even my ability to put my shoes in the right place, apparently.
So shouldn't that count for something? Maybe it should count for everything. Being a mom of two small kids is no easy task. I applaud every mom, past, present and future. It is truly the hardest job in the world. Really, it is. But it also provides the most amazing catch your breath moments out there. When your child finally says "Momma" or "I love you;" when they sit by you on the couch and then suddenly snuggle into your lap; when you watch their angelic little faces as they sleep at night.
Seeing those shoes did that for me. Maybe I am putting more weight into it than it deserves. Probably. But the fact of the matter is that my daughter trusts me — a deeper kind of trust than I can even imagine — and that trust deserves something on a deeper level from me.
Does that mean that I will be the perfect parent? No way. But those days where I am feeling less than perfect, way less than perfect, I will remember those shoes that I am meant to fill. It is not by accident. This I know. So I will try and I will fill them. I will have patience with myself and learn to trust myself — the way that 2-year-old little girl trusts in me.
Ashley Stallings is a mother of two and a lifestyle and fashion blogger at www.flatstoflipflops.com, a blog about fashion, faith and philanthropy. You can email her at flatstoflipflops@yahoo.com.
