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SALT LAKE CITY -- The Transportation Security Administration has a serious job to do. Its stated mission is to protect “the nation’s transportation systems to ensure freedom of movement for people and commerce.” Yet notwithstanding the gravity of its duties, the TSA is a source of comedic fodder for more than one writer or traveler.
ksl.com's Graydon Johns was surprised recently as he prepared to board a plane from Washington, D.C., to Salt Lake City. Among those items missing from his baggage were those everyone knows is prohibited, including guns, knives, grenades — and the ever-conspicuous meat cleaver or ice pick (yes, these items are specifically prohibited).
However, despite his lack of weapons, Johns committed a faux paux that drew the ire of the TSA. Johns said, “(I) … purchased a couple of nicknacks for my kids, one of which was a small snow globe for my daughter.”
Yes, the infamous snow globe.
Johns was careful to leave his ninja paraphernalia at home, but he had failed to read the TSA’s warning, “Snow globes and like decorations regardless of size or amount of liquid inside, even with documentation” are prohibited.
Johns said that the TSA agent “was kind and, obviously having dealt with this same situation multiple times, he was apologetic and sympathetic, but obviously his hands were tied.”
Nonetheless, the snow globe was confiscated and Johns returned to Salt Lake City minus a gift for his daughter.
His experience naturally give rise to the question: What other seemingly but not really innocent items can’t you carry on with you at the airport?
And so, ladies and gentlemen, in no particular order, here are five things you need to leave at the hotel or the ever-tempting gift store before flying:
5: Hockey sticks
Obviously familiar with the movie franchise, Friday the 13th, and the horror caused by the mere glimpse of a hockey mask, the TSA prohibits hockey sticks from airline flights. All indications are that passengers named “Jason” are still allowed on board (unless, of course, they happen to be on the TSA’s no-fly list). Also, not to discriminate against one particular sport, the TSA also forbids individuals from carrying on baseball bats, ski poles, spear guns, hand weights, sticks, pool cues, bows and arrows, golf clubs, lacrosse sticks and ice skates. And in a nod to our British counterparts, cricket bats (not to be confused with fly-swatters) are also forbidden.
4: Flare guns
Technically a gun but rarely used as a weapon, flare guns are also a no-no. However, in the rare event your flight goes down over the Atlantic, you are allowed to stow your flare guns with your baggage. Unfortunately, it appears scuba diving equipment is not allowed on board, so it remains unclear how to dive down for the flare gun wedged in between the empty snow globe box and dirty socks in your suitcase.
3: Cattle prods
For all of you returning from the most recent convention displaying the latest in Tasers for livestock, cattle prods may be checked with your baggage but cannot be carried on. True, the boarding line sometimes moves so slow you feel as if you are herding cattle, but the TSA apparently feels patience is a preferable substitute to using a painful electric current to speed things along.
2: Tear gas
In a move devastating to the tear gas industry, the TSA prohibits this effective catalyst of lacrimation. The fictional wartime merchant not interviewed for this article said, “If the TSA doesn’t want to allow tear gas, then why do they provide oxygen masks?” This completely made-up response to a never-asked question was not submitted to the TSA for comment.
1: Vehicle airbags
Finally, if you were lucky enough to buy a used car that actually had an airbag, the TSA kindly requests you leave this life-saving device in your car rather than bring it with you on the plane. The writer of this article has no response to this prohibition, and may or may not currently be in government custody answering questions about a vehicle airbag filled with tear gas, cattle prods, flare guns, snow globes and an assemble-it-yourself hockey stick.
Kurt Manwaring is pursuing a graduate degree in public administration at the University of Utah. He maintains a personal blog at www.kurtsperspective.blogspot.com and has never had an item confiscated at the airport.
