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Valentine’s Day, Single Awareness Day — whatever you call it — conjures up pretty memories of miniature hearts that taste like chalk and Superman valentines speared with a lollipop.
Valentine’s Day is the No. 1 holiday for florists, and an estimated 196 million roses were sold last year.
That’s a lot of dried petals, folks.
If I asked for a show of hands what your favorite flower to give or receive on this overly-commercialized day is, I can guarantee that none of you are putting your palms in the air for a pine tree. They are plain, misshapen and only look good covered up at Christmas. Kind of like my thighs.
Pine trees lead me to think about Pine Sol cleaning solution, and Pine Sol makes me remember run-down nursing homes and smells of urine. So it comes as no surprise that due to my stream-of-conscious smelling, I am not a big fan of evergreens, conifers, firs or what have you.
Make that was.
Though love can be sweet like the smell of freesia, soft as a rose petal, delicate like an orchid, exciting and vibrant as a tropical rainforest that sings like Harry Connick Jr. — everything that can take your breath away — I'll take "ugly love" any day.
I used to think they were such a waste of plant life. They have no flowers, make no one gasp and pull off the road for autumn splendor, and only leave pokey pine cones on the ground that make you trip and twist your ankle.
However, since living in Iowa and now Montana when all surfaces turn brown or white for six months of the year, I yearn to see green shoots and budding — anything to show that winter will be over soon. My appreciation for something that could stay green and strong in this sepia environment has now grown taller than the fir trees in my yard.
Sometimes we watch reality TV shows that portray life-sized Barbie and Ken dolls falling in "love" in exotic locales (no fir trees in sight) and we wish for the “pretty love” that roses imply. Heck, put me on the shore of Belize armed with a new wardrobe and a hairstylist and I could probably fall in love with a poison ivy cultivator.
What I want to see is some real ugly love. Give them a broken lawnmower to repair together, let them wash eight loads of laundry covered in baby puke, or deprive them of sleep for a few days and then see how pretty or ugly it gets when the "love" is tested.
One of my most memorable conifer-inspired love moments when I thought my love for my husband could know no bounds was not something you’d see on a Kay Jeweler’s commercial. It was not "pretty love" — it was "ugly love."
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Nurturing a loving relationship beyond Valentine's Day
For many couples, their focus on love goes into one single day - Valentine's Day. But a husband and wife team of therapists say you can keep that Valentine's feeling of love throughout the year.Intermittently through the years, he’s given me flowers, made breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day, helped the children make cards and presents, and even let me sleep in a fair number of days. But nothing compared to last October when I called him at work and weakly mumbled into the receiver that I was really, really sick and needed him to come home.
And he did.
He left, walked in the door to see a scene from Primetime in the rural Appalachians: disheveled half-naked children, squalid conditions and the only adult in the house passed out on the couch. He walked over to me and asked if I was OK; I responded by handing him a bowl of puke and rolling over. He took care of the bowl, helped me crawl up the stairs, tucked me in and let me be.
When I came to, I just reveled in the love and concern he showed me.
And the ugliness of it all made it amazing.
Though love can be sweet like the smell of freesia, soft as a rose petal, delicate like an orchid, exciting and vibrant as a tropical rainforest that sings like Harry Connick Jr. — everything that can take your breath away — I’ll take “ugly love" any day.
And I'll take oodles of cellophane-wrapped conifers to go, please. They are constant, secure, never-varying and always protecting. They are colorful when all the pretties have wilted and been turned to compost.
Let’s all be ugly lovers together. This Valentine's Day, forgo the flowers and buy your honey a pine tree instead (and maybe just a smidgen of chocolate).
Elizabeth loves embarrasing her children and making others laugh. She currently resides in Montana among beautiful scenery, long winters and an incredible array of hairy animals.
