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SALT LAKE CITY -- Life is a complicated and messy endeavor. Life Coach Kim Giles is here to help you with simple, principle-based solutions to the challenges you face. Coach Kim will empower you to get along with others and become the best you.
Question:
I have a situation and need some advice. I have dated a man for a little over two years. Last February, he started talking about getting engaged but now says he’s not sure he wants to marry again. (We are both divorced with children.) He says he wants our relationship to move forward, but he needs his space and is not ready to have someone around full time. He says he is not opposed to looking at rings, but he never takes the initiative to proceed. He also says his kids don’t like me and that prevents us from spending more time together. He knows I love him and want to build a life together, but how long do I wait before I give up on this?
Answer:
I am going to give you the cold hard truth and I hope you will listen to me.
This guy is not in love with you.
I suspect he cares about you and likes having you around, but this is not true love.
Silver Connection said: "From a guy's view, this really hits the scenario on the head. I love my woman; hence, I asked her to marry me and live with me full time. All the other girls along the way have been just that; girls along the way. I never asked them to live with me, marry me, or do anything for me other than, well, hang out part time. Get a clue, ladies, and move on if he has cold feet after two years! You deserve a life, too."
When a man is in love with you and wants to marry you, he does it. He doesn’t talk about needing space. He doesn't hem and haw. He doesn't procrastinate. He isn't hot and cold. He doesn’t make excuses or ask for more time.
When a man is in love with you, he buys the ring and pops the question. He wants you in his life all the time.
You do not want to marry a guy who is not totally in.
Second marriages are difficult in the best of circumstances. It takes a great deal of commitment to make it work. Second marriages, where children are involved, end in divorce 70 percent of the time, usually because the children sabotage it.
True love can overcome these odds … but this doesn't sound like true love. It sounds like you are both afraid to call it over. It's time to move on.
You can do this. There is a great guy out there who is a better fit for you. Go find him.
If you keep hanging on and hoping this man gets serious, you are going to look needy. Needy is not attractive. The longer you stay in this, looking needy, the less he will respect you.
You can’t have love without respect. You deserve better.
I recommend you let go. Tell this guy you are moving on and mean it. Walk away with your head held high, in complete trust that Mr. Right is around the next corner.
Do this without tears. Do not look like a victim. Show him a strong, confident woman who has a great life in front of her. Show him you are not afraid of a future without him, because you are a catch.
I recommend buying "All the Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. This book has been helping women marry Mr. Right for decades. If you are a single woman, this book will prevent you from ever looking needy.
Don’t wait around for a man who isn’t committed.
Let him go.
Kimberly Giles is the founder and president of www.ldslifecoaching.com and www.claritypointcoaching.com. She is a sought after life coach and popular speaker.
