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OREM — Ann Palizzi has an amazing outlook for someone who was expecting to retire with her husband rather than raise two little boys. Instead, a cold winter day in January of 2008 put those retirement plans on hold.
"Kristy was the victim, and I feel very strong that her voice should be heard in the lives of the boys," Palizzi said Tuesday.
She is the mother of Kristy Ragsdale and was a witness to her daughter's 2008 murder in a Lehi church parking lot. Palizzi's son-in-law, David Ragsdale, was convicted of shooting and killing Kristy, and is serving a 20-years-to-life sentence for her murder.
Palizzi, though, refuses to allow that tragedy to be the legacy of her grandsons. "We try and be very open and honest," she said. "They feel very free to ask any questions."
She hopes by answering those questions, honestly yet carefully, it will allow the boys to heal.
"It will affect their self-esteem if they think their father is a very evil man," Palizzi said. "I try and help them understand that good people can make really bad choices in life."
And that was the subject of the presentation she gave to the ChainBreaker Foundation Tuesday evening. The foundation is an Orem-based nonprofit organization that aids both men and women who have suffered from abuse.
Palizzi introduced both Brandon and Carter Ragsdale to the group. It was the first time the two boys have been in a public forum with media present.
Palizzi said she has always been fiercely protective of them through their father's murder case as well as her custody case. But more than three years after Kristy's death, she says the boys exhibit the normal everyday behavior of a 5- and 7-year-old.
"Little Carter looks just like his mommy, and he acts just like her," she said of Kristy's youngest son, who was 18 months old when his mother was killed.
Of Brandon, who was 3 at the time, Palizzi said, "He just keeps us laughing all the time. He is very, very funny."
Both boys are being raised in Washington by their Palizzi and her husband — grandparents they sometimes call mommy and daddy.
"Sometimes it's 'Grandma.' Sometimes it's 'Grandma Ann.' Sometimes it's 'Momma.' Sometimes it's 'Mom.' Sometimes it's 'hey you!'" she smiled.
Palizzi said she and her husband want the boys to figure out for themselves what to call them. But she has a name for herself: her daughter's helper.
"I explained to them that I was their mother's helper because she couldn't be there to raise them and be with them," Palizzi explained. "I was her helper to make sure they grew up to be men of integrity and to be good citizens."
Palizzi says the boys hold dear the memories they do have of their parents, though those memories are few considering they were so young when their mother was killed.
David Ragsdale does write his sons letters from prison. Although, Palizzi says psychologists have warned her that are too young and too emotionally fragile to visit him.
Email: lprichard@ksl.com
