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SALT LAKE CITY -- My daughter sings like an angry goose. It's loud. It's off key. She cannot clap in rhythm. No one will debate this, but she loves her high school chorus class.
At a concert the other night, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of a whole family of people who had come to watch their child sing. They loudly questioned why the girl in the front row should be in the chorus. They commented on her dress and on her loud voice that carried to the back of the auditorium. They imitated her clapping. They had a whole discussion on the retard in the chorus class. Yes, they used the “R” word.
The problem with using slurs is that doing so totally ignores the talents, abilities and contributions of individuals.
I am not sure what I should have said. I turned around and said in my iciest, ticked off, teacher voice, “Hello, I'm Serena's mom.”
I wanted to say a whole lot more. This is a school that is pretty inclusive and accepting. I have seen amazing things happen here between “normal” kids and kids with significant disabilities. There were amazing things happening up on the stage at that very moment, but they were being overshadowed.
The word “retard” used to be an actual diagnosis, as in “mentally retarded” or “mildly retarded.” It has become a slur. It is no different than other racial, religious or cultural slurs. It is currently socially acceptable to refer to a lot of people making pretty minor mistakes as a “retard.”
The problem with using slurs is that doing so totally ignores the talents, abilities and contributions of individuals.
In any school, about 10 percent of the student population will have a disability. Most of those students will have mild learning disabilities. Some will have severe behavioral issues. One in 77 of the students in any school will have a form of autism. That's a lot of kids.
Children of all backgrounds and abilities model what they see from the adults around them. They adopt as their own standards the things that they see parents do. All of us learn how to behave from our families, and part of that teaching is manners. Manners are the tools that allow us to get our needs met without offending or imposing on others. As Emily Post once wrote, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners."
We can acknowledge differences. They're pretty obvious most of the time. The point we need to teach children and anyone else who doesn't get it is that differences do not mean less. Whether it's physical differences, learning differences, or racial or religious differences, it doesn't make someone less of a person.
Julia Parslow is an educator, working mom, gardener and knitter living and working in southern Utah.
