Estimated read time: 4-5 minutes
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SALT LAKE CITY -- Any time you get overwhelmed, frustrated or ready to give up, just stop.
When a woman becomes really stressed, downtrodden and frustrated, it seems the best thing to do is have a good cry. When a man loses control, he may shut a door too fast, hammer too hard or simply disappear into the garage for a bit. When teenagers get too little sleep, have one too many tests or have someone significant insult them, they may sulk, act out or react harshly to an innocent comment. However, after a good emotional release, a couple of soaked tissues and, hopefully, not too damaged of an environment, the next best step is to make sense of the situation.
There is a simple and effective practice that brings almost immediate control to reoccurring chaotic conditions. It works for all kinds of situations, at any time of day or night and for all levels of stress.
Take out a piece of lined paper, fold it in half lengthwise, title the left-hand column “Things on My Mind” and the right-hand column: “What I Can Do About It.” As an alternative, you can download this form with the columns marked for you.
A great many things that are on your mind and that trouble your soul, once they have been listed on paper, change from significant worries to "items I can't do anything about." By listing these troubles, thinking of ways to do something about them and realizing that sometimes not much more can be done than worry, you feel relieved and somewhat liberated from those burdens.
As you list the things on your mind, you may find items you can do something about. This is the first step to solving problems and clarifying what needs doing. Merely listing your stresses in the first column and writing down what you think may be done to solve your problems in the second column can act as a catalyst to get you going.
Your stressed list might read:
What’s On My Mind/What I Can Do About It
- I only have three kids; my friend has five. > Remember, it took me four long years to get pregnant and having children is not a race.
- I have five pounds of post-pregnancy weight around my waist. > Decline dessert for one month (and tell my husband about my plan to lose the weight).
- My spouse is away too long on workdays. > Call him at work and express gratitude for him. Ask him to watch the kids while I do dinner dishes so I can have a reprieve from their noise.
- I hate to do laundry. > Put one batch in every morning next week before I eat breakfast to establish a new habit. Fold it and put it away before I eat lunch.
- My kids drive me nuts when they get home from school. > Stop my personal projects and put them away at 2:15 p.m. so I can focus on their needs without being distracted.
- I’m sad about Beth dying. > Take flowers from the yard to her graveside and trim the grass around the headstone before I go grocery shopping.
- I want to look younger. > Get a good haircut next week.
- We don’t own a dog, but I would like to. > Take the neighbor’s dog for a walk a couple of times as a test drive. Then, approach my husband about my idea.
Sometimes, even if you just notate a short, beginning “to do” list, you will be on your way. Of course, sometimes you have to delay the actual initiation until a later hour, the next day or the next week, but at least you have outlined what needs doing.
While writing the list in itself can relieve the pressure valve, not all issues will be under your control. When you note those things that you can't do anything about, stop and explain your feelings in writing. Write out what you can begin to do about those items you feel some control over, and then stand up and get going (unless it would be better to turn over and get a good night’s sleep).
There is no better way to change the tide of your mood than to begin moving with a plan in hand. You will feel better and be able to focus on action instead of anxiety. You may even find that many of your “can’t do anything about that” worries simply melt away and disappear -- or at least release their hold on you for the moment.
Marie is a professional organizer who loves to conquer clutter. She is a nationally recognized author, motivational speaker and TV/radio guest. An hour with her can give you 10% more time every day of your life! See houseoforder.com for more info.
