SALT LAKE CITY — Part of the name of the game in parenting is setting boundaries for our children and enforcing them. As a mother of two young children, I am learning that finding balance between letting our kids have their independence while still enforcing these boundaries can be tough.

For instance, lately our 3-year-old son has been testing the limits a bit. The past couple weeks when I ask him to do something or not to do something, he resists and does the opposite. I think it's a cutting the apron strings type of thing.

But due to some skills my husband and I recently learned while taking a Love and Logic Institute parenting course, I've been putting extra effort into not giving into his whims. If I yield to his little demands, it will most likely escalate and soon my life will be run by him instead of the other way around. But sometimes wouldn't it be so much easier to just give in?

What is ... Love and Logic?

Parenting with Love and Logic is a program created by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D. According the program's website, courses provide loving support from parents while at the same time expecting kids to be respectful and responsible.

Take, for example, the other night. We were having chicken and rice for dinner, but our son wouldn't eat a bite. When we were about finished, he still hadn't touched the chicken but said he wanted some juice and another slice of bread. I told him he couldn't have either until he took at least two bites of chicken. Usually, this is a good way to get him to at least get in a couple bites of protein. You know, by semi-bribing him. But in this instance he wouldn't budge.

I began cleaning up dinner and took away his cup and the plate of bread. He asked frantically, “But what about my juice and bread?” I told him he knew the deal, he had to eat at least two bites of chicken first. His eyes welled up with tears and had the most distraught look on his face. Then, his face turned angry and he said in a low voice, "You, dang it, Mommy."

Ouch. When something goes wrong for me, like I stub my toe or drop a dish, the habitual response out of my mouth is "Dang it.” So in his mind, these must be the words to utter when something is very frustrating. But it wasn't just "dang it." It was specifically "You, dang it, Mommy."

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However, I made the quick decision to not let the remark faze me. In fact, I had to bite my lip a little to keep from laughing. There was no denying the way he had mustered out those words was cute. And hey, at least he hadn’t called me a “stupid” or “dumb” mommy! I shrugged it off and gave myself a pat on the back for using the “dang it” version of the phrase instead of its more colorful counterpart in my frustrating moments. That one obviously could have come back to bite me.

But still, he was mad at me and I was frustrated with him. So I did what Love and Logic teaches and put myself in his shoes. He was frustrated, and I couldn't blame him for that. It’s not always easy when things don't go our way. The phrase my dad often remarked when I was growing up and things seemed unfair echoed in my mind: "Life is tough." Well, sometimes it is. And our son was having a little taste of that.

At that moment, it would have been so much easier to give in. I looked into his big blue eyes and my heart ached for him a little. But I had to follow through, or everything we had learned and had been working on from our parenting course would fly out the window.

So once again, I stuck to my guns in hopes that this type of lesson could help him out later in life (and hopefully for future mealtimes!). As our Love and Logic course instructor stated, these types of learning experiences give our children “nuggets of wisdom” to help prepare them for the real world.

The next day something similar happened, and once again I was a "dang it, mommy." I have to say if this testing the limits phase is giving me foresight of what the teenage years will be like, I'm getting more and more nervous.

But I suppose it's by these little instances that we gain the experience to deal with bigger challenges down the road. Someday he'll grow up to be a responsible adult. Then maybe he’ll have a son of his own and he’ll know what it's like to be a "dang it, daddy." Not easy, but hopefully worth it.

Lindsay Ferguson is a wife and a mother of two young children. She writes from home and keeps up a blog at www.lifeasamomuncut.blogspot.com.

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