Estimated read time: 2-3 minutes
This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.
We need more civil conversations at home and in public. Sometimes the best way to get through a difficult discussion is to focus on the process of how we communicate rather than on the content. Listed below are a set of simple principles to increase the civility of your communication.
Civil conversations in society and in marriage:
1. Suspend your certainty. Nothing stops the process of effective communication faster than someone being so certain that you are wrong. The minute I'm absolutely convinced that you are clueless is the minute that I cease gathering information. No one possesses all of the data. When we don't possess the data, we tend to make it up to suit our needs. We need to realize that we don't know all the truth. We don't understand another person's reasoning or rational. Be open to the ideas of others. Don't squash their ability to share. The minute you start shutting down someone's voice is the minute they will stop sharing.
2. Actively listen. While you are listening, don't be thinking about how you are going to respond. Just listen. Listen to be influenced and to understand. Listen to be caring.
3. Feel empathy. Empathy is the ability to take the place of another person. Listen to them and see where you fit into their story. Feel something about where they are. Empathy means to get within the feelings of another. It's not enough to just understand intellectually what your partner is saying. When your partner says she doesn't feel like she's understood, you have to FEEL something about that. And it can't just be your pride or being mad that she is so selfish. You have to feel her hurt in order to be impacted enough to change. Your actions like it or not, are creating pain for your partner.
4. Let it float. If we just let an idea float, it will eventually sink or swim on its own. You don't need to sink anyone's ideas. You don't need to crush it. If it isn't viable, it will sink on its own. Just let the ideas float.
Click Here to learn more about Matt.
Click Here to learn more about strengthening relationships.
