SALT LAKE CITY — As I walk down another long hospital hallway to my father's recovery room, this time accompanied by my two young children, I think back to my own childhood, during which most of my summer vacations were spent visiting Dad at another hospital.

Dad had more than 20 major surgeries as I was growing up because of a rare genetic condition. I don’t blame him; rather, I admire his will to keep going. But I do wish my mom and dad had known a few things about helping a child deal with a disabled parent. So often in these cases, children are left to cope on their own with the emotional and physical absence of a strong parent.

So here I share some of the lessons I have learned as the child of a parent with a disability in hopes they can help other parents in similar situations.

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When Garrett was a toddler, his mom noticed that, developmentally, something was off. When he was a year old, Garrett wasn't reaching for or pointing at things he wanted. At an age when most kids were starting to talk, Garrett wasn't trying to form words.

Join a support group. Parents with young children may find a therapist or counselor too expensive or time consuming. There are, however, free support groups online that address nearly every major issue or struggle. These groups can provide insight and support not just for the parent with a disability but also the spouse. Make sure children understand the parent will be OK. Children know their parent is not like other parents and experience real fear about the family's future. Parents need to constantly assure children that even though the parent is not 100-percent healthy, the family will be OK.

Help children understand their parents will protect them. Children of disabled parents often feel they need to be protectors. They will often give up playing in the splash pad or on the playground because they are afraid their parent will get hurt when they are not watching. Encourage your child to play and assure them everything will be all right.

Teach the rules as if everything were normal. For example, a child does not need to be subjected to a guilt trip every time he leaves a toy on the floor. A child with a disabled parent already understands the physical risks of having the parent get hurt by tripping over an object. Instead, teach children to pick up after themselves because it is the right thing to do. If, by chance, a parent does trip on a toy, the child does not need to be told or conclude it is his fault. Assure him he is not to blame for the accident. Find activities the family can do together. Children of disabled parents are often super-sensitive to their parents' ability levels. They will often forgo a much-desired hike, for instance, because they do not want to leave a parent behind. So find a variety of fun activities that work for the whole family. National parks give free lifetime passes to disabled adults, for instance, and each has a few wheelchair-accessible hikes.

Plan vacations around what the whole family can do, so a child doesn't have to choose between doing an activity and leaving the disabled parent or staying with the disabled parent and missing the event. No matter what he decides in this kind of no-win situation, he will feel guilty.

Emphasize what the disabled parent can do. A disability does not impair every aspect of life. A parent with a physical disability can learn to be a great listener or teacher. The worst thing a disabled parent can do is avoid being with his children because he feels they are embarrassed by him. A child may complain how his parent gets involved in his life, but the worst alternative is to not do anything.

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