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Don't get her wrong: Lourdes Abella-Levy loves being a mom. She enjoys every minute she spends with her 8-month-old daughter, Carolina, and can't wait to get home to cuddle and play.
But she's also adamant about taking time out for herself. ''I think it's important to continue pampering yourself,'' says the realty agent, who has a standing appointment with a manicurist and has just hired a fitness trainer. ``I refuse to look like a disheveled mom. I have a husband I love and I want to look good for him.''
Forget all those fuddy-duddy notions about motherhood. Today's hip moms aren't trading girls' night out for rocking chairs or their Seven jeans for smock dresses. They're not sublimating themselves for their newest creations. On the contrary.
''People assume you're going to turn into some matronly old bag when you become a mom, that you're going to wear sensible shoes and all that,'' says Betty Londergan, author of "I'm too Sexy for my Volvo: A Mom's Guide to Staying Fabulous" ($12.95, Adams Media.), one of many books published in recent years on the topic of staying hip while being a mother. "Today's moms are saying, `I'm a mother and that's the most important thing I'm going to do, but I'm also this fascinating, savvy, sexy, wonderful woman and nothing's going to change that.'''
Many mothers couldn't agree more. Abella-Levy, 36, did not shop at maternity stores when she was pregnant. She simply bought bigger sizes of her favorite brands. Even while shedding the last few maternity pounds, fashion has remained important. ''I still want to be fashionable,'' she adds. ``I absolutely don't want to let myself go.''
Neither does Stephanie Bolstad, 29. When pregnant with her son Elliott Vermeulen, now 7 months, the Miami teacher made sure she wore up-to-date outfits. ''As far as maternity wear, there's a lot more options out there now,'' she says. ``You don't want to wear a tent dress that makes you look like you weigh 500 pounds.''
Those tent dresses of yesteryear are nowhere to be found in maternity shops these days. More mainline manufacturers are starting maternity lines or simply adapting their own wares to expanding bellies. At Mommy's Place in Miami, for example, the racks are filled with bright, glittery tops you might find on South Beach, and sexy, clingy outfits are all the rage.
''Everything is stretch,'' says owner Tony Valdes. ``They want to show off the belly. They want to show off their pregnancy. This new generation is more risque.''
The change can even be found in the illustrations decorating Mother's Day greeting cards. Over the years, they've changed from mothers in aprons to mothers as sophisticated career women. But being a modern, 21st century mom is about more than looking like a fashion plate. It's about attitude, about a joie de vivre that is muted only slightly by 2 a.m. feedings.
''When I became pregnant, I vowed that he would be integrated into the life we already had,'' says Bolstad. ``Sure, we don't go out as much and maybe we don't go clubbing until 4 a.m., but I'm not going to stop doing the things I like. If we go out, he comes with us. He's like my little extension.''
It's that kind of reasoning that inspired Jessica Denay to found The Hot Mom's Club last year on Mother's Day and write the recently released book, "The Hot Mom's Handbook" ($16.99, Naked Ink).
''A Hot Mom,'' writes Denay in the preface, ``is a woman who radiates confidence. A Hot Mom is a woman who loves herself and her family but isn't consumed by the madness of motherhood. A Hot Mom is a woman who knows how to balance her needs as well as the needs of her family.''
In a phone interview, Denay describes hipness this way: "It comes from the inside out. It starts internally. It's about being the best you."
At first, this may sound like so much psychobabble for the overworked, underappreciated mommies among us. Not so. Her business - which includes the e-zine hmcmagazine.com - apparently has hit a nerve. Denay quit her teaching job three weeks after launching her dream.
''I was always getting too many you-don't-look-like-a-mother remarks,'' she says, laughing. ``Well, what does a mother look like? Honestly, mothers today are having their children 10 or 15 years after having their own lives and they don't want to give up on the hip things they were doing before, like travel and careers and style.''
Monica Medina, 29, is devoted to her 7-year-old daughter, Maraya Rivera. Though she admits that parenthood has made her much more aware of both her responsibilities as an adult and the dangers that lurk in unexpected places, she admits she's not like her mother in other ways.
''I definitely view this as a different era,'' she says. ``Not that her ways were bad or anything - it's just different. I love my daughter, but I also like going out and having fun. I still hang out with my friends. I have a life, too.''
Hipness, by the way, has nothing to do with age. Actress Goldie Hawn, 59, is considered a Hot Mama in "The Hot Mom's Handbook." Kim Armenteros, 42, a United flight attendant with a 14-year-old son, Cody Riggs, is a hip mom. She and her husband still go out with friends to South Beach. She still takes her Girls Trip once a year and faithfully participates in Girls Night Out every other month.
''I'm not just Cody's mom,'' says Armenteros. ``I'm something more. I think it's important to take time out for yourself.''
While taking time out for yourself may sound like old advice, it is this generation that has truly taken it to heart. Actually, it has done more than that. It's made motherhood something sexy and glamorous.
''The idea that moms can be involved in the heavy lifting of motherhood and be viewed as attractive and sexy is an interesting concept,'' says Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist at Brown University who researches gender differences. ``It's a result of women finding ways to express womanhood beyond being a mother or having a career.''
Haltzman and others believe that the concept of the hip mom is a natural evolution - and expansion - of the working mother role that past generations carved for themselves. ''Women in the '50s,'' adds Haltzman ``didn't have a lot of options, and the (maternity) fashions showed that.''
In fact, the messiness of motherhood - pregnancy especially - was reserved for private quarters. When Little Ricky was born on an episode of "I Love Lucy" in 1953, series writers tried to present the situation in a tasteful manner and off camera - but they still got complaints from viewers. Even as late as the 1970s and '80s, the depiction of motherhood was as something demure.
Laura Tropp, a professor of communication arts at Marymount Manhattan College who has been researching the topic for her upcoming book "A Womb with a View: Pregnancy in Changing Media Environments," notes that early People magazine stories on pregnant celebrities never touched on many details. "You certainly wouldn't have seen a belly," she says.
That, of course, is no longer true. Pregnancy is on display everywhere, from tabloids to Web sites to blogs highlighting sonograms. ''Motherhood has become something to achieve,'' Tropp adds. ``It's a result of the changes and development in media technology.''
The first public example of sexy motherhood can be traced to actress Demi Moore's very public baring of her heavy-with-child belly for a 1991 Vanity Fair cover. Fifteen years later, pregnant celebrities can be seen everywhere - and wearing almost anything, including bikinis. Combine this Hollywood baby boom with TV shows such as "A Baby Story" and "Maternity Ward" on The Learning Channel, and you push the process out of the house and into the public square.
''Pregnancy has become a public celebration,'' Tropp says. ``There's this desire to glorify, to revel, to make it popular.''
While many laud these changes, a few caution that it may be setting some women up for failure. It's easy to look glamorous after giving birth if you have a couple of nannies and half-a-dozen assistants - an improbability for the average mother.
''The media likes to convey a romantic sense of raising children,'' Haltzman says, ``but it's not always the reality. To be a full-time mom and also look your best and be an energized sexual being is a lot harder to pull off than the media suggests. It can turn out to be one more thing you have to do.''
What's more, parenting experts worry that the increasingly blurry line between parent and child may fade even more, resulting in too many parents wanting to behave, dress and party like their children.
''I welcome the celebration of the maternal,'' says Marcy Axness, a Los Angeles-based early development specialist and frequent writer on the subject. "But you have to ask yourself, `Is it eclipsing the connection to the child?' What children need has less to do with a look and more with having parental figures.''
But Armenteros believes one can remain hip and stylish without losing authority. Parents, she agrees, must never forget their role even if they like listening to the same music as their children.
''The way we handle it is that our son knows the rules at all times,'' she adds. ``We can relate to him and we like doing things with him, but it doesn't change who we are. We're still in charge.''
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What are today's hip moms discussing and buying? Check out these Web sites:
www.mamaphonic.com
www.savvymommy.com
www.hmcmagazine.com
www.hipmama.com
www.clubmom.com
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(c) 2006, The Miami Herald. Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service.
