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SALT LAKE CITY — The "War on Christmas" is one of our favorite yearly rites that unnecessarily brings politics into what is usually a more joyful part of the year.
From whether or not a Christmas tree can be on city property to whether wishing "Happy Holidays" is a secret Atheist recruitment plan, the Grinches are everywhere. The good folks at Public Policy Polling did a recent, tongue-in-cheek holiday political poll that caught our attention and, of course, planted more seeds of Yuletide fighting. Here are some of the highlights:
44% of Americans polled say Santa is a Democrat compared to 28% that feel he would fit better in the GOP
Alex: This is a lie and the liberal media spinsters are obviously slanting these numbers. Let's look at some key principles Santa abides by. He employs a large number of workers at his medium-sized business that works year-round to provide, at a reasonable price, products that Americans young and old can enjoy.
As a business owner, he has seen the impact of Obamacare (he had to let 50 elves go at the end of last year) and pays more than his fair "share" of taxes. Santa does not give handouts. He has a very specific "naughty and nice" guideline that dictates his giving. Anyone just showing up for a freebie is sorely disappointed when they realize that getting gifts requires some effort.
Santa does not give handouts. He has a very specific "naughty and nice" guideline that dictates his giving. Anyone just showing up for a freebie is sorely disappointed when they realize that getting gifts requires some effort.
Finally, can you deny this man's love for red? Red suit, red-nosed reindeer, red cheeks, etc. I think I make my point.
Ethan: I think Alex is right about Santa being a Republican, but he's right for the wrong reasons. Alex's report of mass layoffs shows a lack of collective bargaining agreements. He may pay some taxes, but keeping the bulk of his business offshore in the arctic probably helps him escape most of it. Finally, we know Santa is a Republican because he gives the best gifts to rich kids.
54% of voters said the looming "fiscal cliff" would lead to a cut in Santa's ability to give generously this year
Alex: Lucky for all the good girls and boys out there, Santa is a believer in the principle of a rainy day fund. Socking away savings and toys allows him to be generous, even if Congress and the President can't figure it out.
Ethan: I don't think the so called fiscal cliff will cut into Santa's ability to give gifts this year, but it WILL cut into his motivation to give gifts. The sluggish economy will be his excuse to give fewer gifts and pocket the savings.
63% of voters say Mitt Romney will receive gifts instead of a lump of coal. That compares to President Barack Obama's 51%
So a massively rich Santa offshores his business to dodge taxes and labor laws, reserves the nicer presents to rich kids, hits and possibly kills your grandmother, and you won't take action because you're afraid he'll cut you out of your position in the lower middle class area of his gift list? Maybe it's time we really did declare war on Christmas.
Alex: Sadly, this seems to be a showing of pity by Americans who feel bad for Mitt, who has been the butt of tabloid and late night talk show humor since his loss last month. His party rolled over on him in a big way after the loss and feeling sorry for people is the Christmas way. What do you give the guy that owns everything? Aqua Velva.
Ethan: For reasons stated above, I expect Mitt to get something good. Like a Ferrari.
Finally, If Grandma were in fact to be run over by a reindeer from Santa's team, would you press charges? 61% say they would not pursue charges against the big guy compared to only 24% who said that they would
Alex: Grandma is clearly in the wrong, having had "too much Egg Nog", as the legend goes. Grandma's broken hip is a small price to pay for almost ruining Christmas by taking out one of St. Nick's magical Caribou. A lawsuit and pending trial would be bad for everyone and potentially put Christmas on hold in the future. Keep your mouth shut, Granny. I need a new putter. (On an interesting side note, 33% of Dems said that they'd press charges compared to 19% Republicans. Typical.)
Ethan: So a massively rich Santa offshores his business to dodge taxes and labor laws, reserves the nicer presents to rich kids, hits and possibly kills your grandmother, and you won't take action because you're afraid he'll cut you out of your position in the lower middle class area of his gift list? Maybe it's time we really did declare war on Christmas.