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SYRACUSE — It was during a phone conversation with a longtime friend that I realized a piece of myself was gone. Looking back, it had only disappeared — but I wondered how I ever let it hide.
My friend and I were at two very different stages of life. She had four school-age children and had just gone back to school herself. She had new friends and new adventures in her life.
We were chatting away, playing catch-up over the phone, trying to make up for years of not seeing each other in person. She was telling me about some of the new extreme sports she had taken up, like paragliding and rock climbing. She was having the time of her life.
And then she asked, “so what do you do for fun?”
Honestly, I was lucky to just make it to the end of the day without completely losing it. And she was asking me what did I do for fun? Seriously?
I sank in my chair. I had no idea. I had nothing to say. At the time, my second child was only a few months old. He was a "hard baby" by every definition of the term.
Honestly, I was lucky to just make it to the end of the day without completely losing it. And she was asking me what did I do for fun? Seriously?
The only response I had for her was, “I change diapers.”
And that was it. That was the portal in which my formerly fun, outgoing self slipped away into new-mommy oblivion.
I’m sure I’m not the only mother who has ever let this happen. But it took nearly four more years for me to realize that changing diapers should never be something we do for fun.
Of course, there are times in our lives when our young children keep us so busy behind the walls of our home that we can’t focus beyond the front door. I understand that. I was obviously there. At the time, behind the walls of my home rocking a sleep-deprived baby while covered in spit-up was right where I needed to be.
At MOMentity, we remind moms that everyone needs playdates — especially moms. There are two important things we can do to make sure we never let our fun self disappear again.
- Create time away from your children whenever possible.Don’t forget MOM Resolution No. 1: I am valuable. You are so important and you deserve regular time away from the crazy demands of motherhood. This includes dates with your spouse. If you are going crazy and need time away, it’s likely that he does too. Never forget to nourish your marriage. And please note: grocery shopping all by yourself does not count as a vacation. Yes, it helps bring some quiet into our heads and allows a little space to breathe, but it does not fill us up. It does not rejuvenate us. Dates with our husband fill us up. Meeting our sister or mother for lunch fills us up. A girls night out with old friends fills us up.
- Incorporate what you like to do for fun into your everyday life.Grab a piece of paper and make a list of the things you like to do for fun. If you’re not sure, think about what you used to like to do. Do your best to incorporate a few of the things on your list into your everyday life. Dance with your children in the kitchen or put them to bed early and watch the sunset. Paint a picture. Go for a jog. Climb a rock wall. Try a new restaurant. Tell a funny joke. Find your fun — your joy — and hold onto it. You deserve to never lose sight of it again.
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*Nicole Carpenter is the founder of www.MOMentity.com and the creator of The MOMentity Process. She is a communications consultant, writer and speaker. She and her husband are raising four children, 7 years and younger, including twin toddlers.**
