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SALT LAKE CITY -- I lean toward being technologically inept. When you couple this with the fact that I fondly remember the rotary dial and the party line, it should come as no surprise that the capabilities of the newest cellular smartphones are something of a mystery to me. I understated that — a total mystery would be closer.
At the insistence of my wife and kids and as a gift I received one of the industries newest offerings. I can make and receive calls, most of the time. And the clock is really neat.
My daughter, an accomplished cell phone user, disgusted with my ineptitude, decided to offer me some instruction. She called it “Remedial Cell Phone – 025”
The subject of the first lesson was email. A bit of configuration and just like that I had all my e-mail accounts at my fingertips. This was OK. Actually, it was better than OK, until I tried to type.
I have very large hands. These devices have very small keyboards, a truly frustrating combination. My first attempt read: vj gwrtp cflnsaq. My daughter said I just needed a bit of practice.
My first attempt to type read: vj gwrtp cflnsaq. My daughter said I just needed a bit of practice.
Next lesson was a look at all the things my new phone would do. Wow! These things are the Swiss army knife of the electronic world. I could list all the things mine does, however it will be quicker to note what it won’t do: cook, that is about it — although you can get new recipes and cooking instructions.
The final lesson: text messaging. I have never been a big text message user, much to the annoyance of my daughter and sons. Text is their preferred method of communication and, looking at the family cellphone bill, one they use extraordinarily often.
My children can compose a text message with one hand, using only their thumb and the phone in their pocket, faster than I can type. This ability I believe to be a product of a great deal of practice at the high school level.
To assure herself of my ability to access this most important function of my new phone, she sent me a message. I watched her from across the room. Her thumb was a blur on the tiny keyboard. Almost instantly the following message appeared: “Dad, you owe me lunch.”
#poll
I asked her where she wanted to go. She shook her head and pointed to my phone. So I laboriously typed the question: “Wherw dp you wany to go?” I had a bit of a finger issue … again. She giggled and with an excess of enthusiasm, pointed out the typo to me.
Her thumb blurred again and the following popped up on my screen. “Idk somewhere expensive lol”
I read the message. I was vindicated! She had made a typo. I pointed to my phone, laughing and asked her what had happened.
She just shook her head sadly and rolled her eyes. With her best “Boy, Dad, you’re not very bright” expression, explained that there is a whole world of text shorthand that I would need to learn.
That was some months ago. At this point, I would be lost without my phone. My daughter tells me that soon I will be ready for her next course. Basic Cell Phone – 050. I can't wait.
Guy is a longtime educator, having taught and coached tennis and swimming. He is school safety and security administrator for the Bonneville School District in Idaho Falls, Idaho. Guy has been married for 26 years and has three children.
