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SALT LAKE CITY -- As a teen I remember searching for a job. My parents encouraged me to find a job that I wanted, and go out and get it. After some thought, I obtained an application from a local sporting goods store, and set to work filling it out. Dreaming of how much more enjoyable this job would be, than my current job, striping and seal coating parking lots.
After finishing the application I made a copy for my records, then took the original to the store, and proudly submitted it.
Only after I got home did my mom proof read the application. After only a few moments of reading she turned quickly with a smile and said “you didn’t really submit this did you?”
“Yeah, why?” I said.
Little things make a big difference, especially in the lives of teens.
She then pointed out that I had made one tiny little error, I had used two “p’s” when only one was needed. While this normally wouldn’t be a big deal, for someone in the seal coating and striping business it was. You see, I had listed under work experience “Parking lot stripper.”
I didn’t get the job.
Now that a few years have passed by I’m starting to see a little of the humor my mom saw that day as she read my application. But more importantly, I’ve come to learn a valuable lesson. Little things make a big difference, especially in the lives of teens.
Since, however, you never know when the next spelling error is going to strike, here’s a few sure-fire little things you can use to make a big difference to your teen.
Have family dinner
Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide. -- Time Magazine Study
Having dinner together is more than just a nice suggestion that over-the-top family advocates make. The effect of having dinner together with your family are well documented, and according to Time magazine, the impact is greatest on teens. “Studies show that the more often families eat together, the less likely kids are to smoke, drink, do drugs, get depressed, develop eating disorders and consider suicide, and the more likely they are to do well in school, delay having sex, eat their vegetables, learn big words and know which fork to use.”
Not to mention that it does wonders for the parent-child relationship by giving both sides an opportunity to openly communicate and talk about what is going on in their lives.
Offer praise
High school might just be the epicenter of all negativity. Not very often are your teens getting positive feedback from those around them during the school day, so when they get home, they need to hear it from you.
How do you learn to be so positive? Be creative, take note of what your children are doing that day, and send them a text message, or leave a note in their car.
In 1992, Dr. John Gottman did a study in which he learned to predict the success of a relationship based on what he called “the magic-ratio” of positive to negative comments. He found that for a relationship to stay strong, the parties needed to be saying five positive comments for every negative comment they made. While his research was based on married couples, the principle stands true in all relationships, even parent-teen.
How do you learn to be so positive? Be creative, take note of what your children are doing that day, and send them a text message, or leave a note in their car, or backpack assuring them they’ll do great on their next test, presentation, or athletic event. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, make no mistake, it’s making a difference, and before you know it you’ll be seeing the good in your child with ease, and their self confidence will shoot through the roof.
Be at the crossroads
It’s impossible to be there for every big moment in a child’s life. But a little planning can help you be there for as many moments as possible. Then, with quantity on your side, you’re far more likely to make a difference.
It's impossible to be there for every big moment in a child's life. But a little planning can help you be there for as many moments as possible.
Former LDS Church President Ezra Taft Benson said it this way “take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going--when they leave and return from school--when they leave and return from dates--when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are 6 or 16."
No one did this better than my mother. While she rarely said much (she was usually listening), she always sat in the kitchen when I came home for lunch with my friends. She was always there when I got home from school. And she was always sitting there in the living room late at night waiting for me to make it home on-time.
I always knew mom was there for me, and I understood that when I came home late, it effected her as well.
Truthfully, despite missing a few typos along the way, she did pretty good in all of the little things. In fact, I think it’s safe to say it was the little things she did that helped me finally learn how to spell not only striper (with one p), but happiness (with two). Thanks mom.
Brandon Comstock is an instructor of religion at Hurricane High School seminary. He and his wife Carleen have two little boys and are expecting a little girl in March.
