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SALT LAKE CITY — Many moms and daughters ushered in the holiday season with an annual pilgrimage to “The Nutcracker” last weekend to enjoy incredible talents of dancers, costume makers and choreographers — but also to perpetuate a tradition that has a lot more to do with bonding than ballet.
I loved watching my daughters participate in “The Nutcracker” but treasure the year my mom took me and my girls to a larger stage to see a professional performance of the timeless dancing classic.
My daughters appreciated the big-city evening even more knowing all the behind-the-scenes miracles of costuming, makeup and months of rehearsals. I appreciated it even more because I was surrounded by my favorite ladies and realized our local production rivals the best of the best.
The eternal truth is that we can't know true joy unless we've experienced pain that deep. We can't appreciate our family unless we accept the fact that death could make them all disappear in an instant.
But there is a 14-year-old in New Jersey who is on my mind today. Her name is Claire and this year the tradition of her and her mother attending “The Nutcracker” in New York City is broken. Her mother, about my age, passed away unexpectedly due to an undetected heart defect.
In memorial, her family invited others to read this mother’s blog where she proudly posted pictures of her children, shared stories about their antics and left a legacy of love through her writing. I only read a page or two, including one entry where she talked about the tradition of taking her oldest daughter to “The Nutcracker” every year.
I doubt she ever dreamed it would be her last.
I juxtapose my feelings of sorrow for the loss her widowed husband and five little children are enduring this holiday season with an experience I just had interviewing the parents of 11-year-old Raffi Walsh. Because of an aggressive decline in his health due to a brain tumor, this family thought they had already spent their last Christmas together. But Raffi remains as a miracle of sorts.
This season, the Walshes are immensely grateful for the gift of more time as well as the gift of being more emotionally prepared when their little boy’s inevitable death arrives too soon.
While death always feels tragic for those of us left behind, when someone passes away in December, it seems mourning pangs run just a bit deeper.
My materal grandfather, a three-war veteran who lived a full life, passed away a week before Christmas several years ago. The bitter cold wind at the cemetery during a precision gun salute was easier to endure than looking at my widowed grandmother all wrapped up in blankets as she wept.
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Nothing makes memories like a good family tradition. But, if like so many, failing to create new traditions has become an annual occurrence at your house, here's five ideas to make the season memorable.But the eternal truth is that we can’t know true joy unless we’ve experienced pain that deep. We can’t appreciate our family unless we accept the fact that death could make them all disappear in an instant.
I hope my words don’t depress or cause despair for any readers, but instead inspire you to make and keep holiday traditions with your friends and family.
My brother just sent an email about hanging the crocheted green, red and white stockings that my grandmother made for each of us. So just as clearly as I see her crying frozen tears over the loss of her husband after 60 years of marriage, I also see her sitting in her recliner crocheting, giggling and loving anyone who stopped to visit.
One of our family’s accidental traditions includes cuddling on the couch near the Christmas tree while my husband reads an antique children’s book about Santa’s elves and “sprinkle snitchers.”
As time goes by and loss inevitably comes our way, I imagine even sprinkles on sugar cookies would have the potential to make me cry and smile at the same time. But for now, I’ll enjoy the happy memories in the making.
It’s not too late to cultivate the fun, quirky or emotionally laced traditions your family can enjoy this season. And if you’re like Raffi, a hug is one of the best gifts you can give and receive.
Stacie Lloyd Duce is a columnist and magazine editor featured regularly in several Montana and Utah publications. Her columns appear every Thursday on www.desnews.com.
