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SALT LAKE CITY — When you think about your family tree, does a best branch come to mind, or maybe a leaf you like the most?
It's a question that makes most parents cringe, but a new book suggests favoritism in families is actually pretty common. In "Sibling Effect," author Jeffrey Kruger suggests every family does, in fact, have a favorite child.
"As parents, we are horrified to hear that," says Julie Hanks, a licensed clinical social worker at Wasatch Family Therapy.
"Socially, it hasn't been OK for parents to acknowledge they have a favorite," Hanks says. "But I like to think of it as ‘someone that's easier to relate to,' not necessarily someone they love more."
Though parents should never verbalize it — even in a joking way — Hanks says internally recognizing a special connection with a certain child is crucial. "Then you can actually do something about it so … you don't act it out with your other children," she explained.
"I think it's really important for parents to celebrate each child's unique strength," Hanks says. "So there might be a child who is more stubborn, but that's actually a strength — even though it can be difficult for a parent to deal with."
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She points out parenting is always going to be unfair because every child has different needs. But kids don't always see it that way, so explaining the different attention you give can help them understand.
"You know, 'Johnny needs more help with school because he has a learning disability' or ‘Sally really is in to dance, so you know what? I do spend a lot of time taking her to dance because that's her love,'" Hanks says. "So, to explain what's that about is really important so kids have a way to make sense of it."
It's an explanation for kids, and a reminder for parents, to do their best to level the playing field — favorite or not.
Email: bwalker@ksl.com
