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ANDREW Lloyd Webber chalks up the failure of his Broadway musical "The Woman in White" to the illnesses that plagued his cast, first and foremost star Maria Friedman's much publicized battle with breast cancer.
"I'm not sure even 'The Phantom of the Opera' could have survived the illnesses which have beset this wonderful company," the composer said Friday in a widely quoted statement announcing the demise of the $10 million production.
With all due respect to my friend Lord Lloyd Webber, that explanation is - to use a ripe British expression - bullocks.
It's not human illness that doomed "The Woman in White," which closes Feb. 19: It's plain, old-fashioned box office death.
"The decision to close is totally based on the numbers - period," says Bob Boyett, the show's lead producer, adding that ticket sales "plummeted" last week.
A production source says the show lost $150,000 then, and is on target to lose even more this week.
Boyett calculated that to keep "The Woman in White" open through the Tony Awards in early June, he and his investors would have to pony up an additional $2 million.
"I was willing to put up my share," he says, "but I could not guarantee [his investors] that the $2 million is going to pay off."
"The Woman in White," despite its Lloyd Webber pedigree, simply never gained traction with a New York audience.
The media attention paid toFriedman's cancer fight meant nothing at the box office.
While a star in London, Friedman was not a draw in New York.
Even when she was out of the show undergoing treatment, very few people requested refunds.
"It was never like a big American star being out of a show," a source says. "Over three months, I think we had less than a dozen people ask for refunds or exchanges."
Although she didn't draw like a star, she was certainly compensated like one.
She was paid more than $10,000 a week, and the production footed the bills for a three-bedroom apartment, car and driver and a round-the-clock nanny for her two children.
Those demands ratcheted up the show's weekly running cost, said to be more than $500,000.
Friedman's co-star, Michael Ball, also a draw in London, didn't mean much to New Yorkers, either.
He also missed many performances - he's been out of the show for weeks and will not return before the end of the run - but audiences didn't seem to care.
Around Broadway, there are rumors that Ball abandoned the show because he was miffed that Friedman was getting all the attention.
But Boyett says Ball was genuinely suffering from a severe sinus problem.
Besides, "Michael is not a person you can neglect. The only thing he ever said to me is, 'If Maria is out two more days, I want her dressing room,' " Boyett adds with a laugh.
Over the weekend, Boyett spoke to Lloyd Webber about the failure of "The Woman in White," a show both believed would catch on in New York.
"He said we'll be deconstructing this show forever," Boyett says. "When a show closes, you can come up with hundreds of reasons why it didn't work."
DICK Van Dyke gave Chita Rivera's struggling show a little lift at the box office the other week, so why not have a go with Liza?
The producers of "Chita Rivera: The Dancer's Life" have asked Chita's onetime Broadway co-star to join the production.
Other than the stray show queen who has yet to see the show, I can't imagine Minnelli will lure that many people to "A Dancer's Life."
But these are desperate times.
Last week, the show lost more than $100,000 and is expected to lose even more this week.
Producer Marty Bell has received an additional $1 million in loans from investors to keep the show going, but the writing seems to be on the wall, and it says: C-L-O-S-E.
michael.riedel@nypost.com
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