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SALT LAKE CITY -- Experts say it's human nature to notice attractive people, whether you're in a relationship or not. A partner noticing a beautiful stranger can feel threatening, but to what degree depends on the quality of the relationship.
A study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology tested the wandering eye or "forbidden fruit" hypothesis and found that when someone is forced to not pay attention to others, it could lead to a backlash in the relationship.
Holly Willard, a psychotherapist from Wasatch Family Therapy, came up with a number of tips to manage this syndrome.
- Be confident in yourself
If your partner notices beauty or attractiveness in someone else, it's not the same as wanting to be with another person. Have enough confidence in your own beauty and strengths that an occasional glance doesn't threaten you. - Be curious about what catches his or her eye
Instead of pouting, slapping, or the silent treatment, try getting curious about what it was that caught his or her eye. This is a potential opportunity to learn more about your partner and what makes them tick, what their preferences are. - Be connected emotionally
Willard says a deep emotional connection is what we all long for and is ultimately what makes relationships last, and makes the physical relationship strong. - Be aware of your partner's experience
If you are the one with the "wandering eye," pay close attention to how it impacts your partner. If he or she is hurt, jealous, angry over your behavior, attend to that emotion in your partner instead of defending yourself. - Be clear with boundaries
A quick glance is one thing, but extended gawking or engaging in flirtatious behavior is another. Talk as a couple about your comfort level in terms of noticing others, calling attention to others, and be clear about what you'd like from your partner in terms of boundaries.
