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SALT LAKE CITY -- Financial advisors are warning about another kind of cheating in a marriage. They say financial infidelity is a bigger problem than many people realize.
Little purchases your spouse doesn't know about can lead to a big fight.
AAA Fair Credit Foundation President Preston Cochrane said, "We see this commonly. It's one of the main causes of divorce and one of the main causes of feuds within a marriage."
The best way to get past financial infidelity? Communication.
Cochrane has seen all kinds of fights about money between couples. In some cases, the secret purchases seem rather harmless, like when one person in the relationship frequently goes out to eat. Also, the secret costs of hobbies, like scrapbooking, can cause friction between the couple.
In other cases, the secrecy can be extreme. Cochrane says some people in financial trouble have admitted to opening secret bank accounts and P.O. boxes, and even apply for new credit cards to buy high-tickets items while trying to keep their spouse from finding out.
"High-ticket type items, those are things that [show] there is more to the story than typically just a small $10 here and $10 there."
In one case, Cochrane says he saw someone buy a new car without telling their better half.
There are a few profiles that fit the personality of someone who may engage in financial infidelity. Here are a couple of hypothetical examples.
- The one who handles all the finances. Cochrane says when one person has no input into the family's bank account, the other person has a clear path to sneaking away with extra money. He gave an example of one person going to the store to buy groceries, then sneaking $40 out of the account when asked if they want cash back. The person who doesn't look over the bills might not notice the fact that not all of the money they spent actually went to buy groceries.
- The main breadwinner. In some instances, Cochrane says the person who makes the most money for the family feels a sense of entitlement to spend it.
But why would even the small secret purchases lead to so many big problems? Other than the fact that small purchases add up to a lot of money over time, Cochrane says couples don't even talk about what they spend their money on until the issue is out of control.
"Those conversations have never taken place and during a financial counseling session, which is what we do, a lot of those little secrets might come to the surface," Cochrane said.
So, what is the best way to get past financial infidelity? Communication.
"You really need to focus your financial decisions as a team so that both partners have equal knowledge and both partners are sharing in the shared goal," Cochrane suggested.
He says finger pointing and playing the blame game doesn't help.
E-mail: pnelson@ksl.com
