Unhoused but not unloved, mother of 10 dies on Provo streets

PROVO — She was the mother of 10 children — nine daughters and one son.

Tamu Smith said her mother was loved — and yet, she said, on Jan. 1, Edna Cox died on the streets of Provo, having succumbed to the elements due to homelessness.

Smith, Cox's eldest daughter and co-creator of Latter-day Saint blog "Sistas in Zion," took to her social media platform to speak about her mother, and said she was among the "forgotten population." Smith listed many things about her mother, including that Cox, 63, was just 13 years old when she gave birth to her, and went on to have nine more children, including two sets of twins.

"She enjoyed baking my birthday cakes from scratch," Smith wrote. "She was the room-mom when I was a kindergartner at Roosevelt Elementary in San Bernardino Calif. She walked me to school when I was in elementary school. We went to Disneyland together. She took me to the Earth, Wind and Fire concert when I was seven years old. She protected her kids as much as her 4'11" frame could protect us. She was generous with what little she had. She tried to remember birthdays and she never forgot my kids at Christmas. Even this year she showed up with a few simple gifts that will be treasured forever. She experienced trauma in her youth that affected nearly every aspect of her latter years. She was BRAVE."

Smith said that she doesn't want her mother's death to be in vain, and hopes that sharing her mother's story will help anyone experiencing homelessness to be more visible.

'The unhoused are not unseen'

"Some people look at my mom's situation and draw conclusions that people who are unhoused are unhoused because they are all drug addicts, or that they are unloved and have no family — and then, sometimes, treat them accordingly. I think, sometimes, even civic workers do the same," Smith told KSL.com. "It's not true. The unhoused are not unseen. That community is not invisible to me. The indigent community is still part of our community.

"Here, in Provo, we don't really have a shelter," she said. "There was nowhere for my mother to go, except to my home and we'd already tried. It's been a complex situation."

Her mother's mental health led to insecurities and an inability to accept love in the manner that Smith could give it, which made their relationship difficult, Smith said.

3 unsheltered people have died on Provo streets this winter. Could a shelter prevent deaths?

At least three unsheltered people have died on Provo's streets this winter, police confirm. Advocates say with no homeless shelter in the area, there are few options for the unsheltered.

"None of that changed the fact that she was loved and cared for. It wasn't unusual for me to go out and look for her if too much time passed between seeing or hearing from her," Smith said.

In the days since her mother's death, Smith has been organizing a memorial service at the Genesis Project in Provo that will also serve as a way to bring awareness to the homeless population and to provide much-needed supplies for the winter through donations, including coats, hats and other winter clothing, as well as other necessities.

A GoFundme* account has also been set up in Cox's name to benefit homeless people. The family aims to "provide love and human connection, as well as gloves, hats, shoes, wool socks, scarves and other basic needs, for thousands that we recognize as homeless," according to organizers of the online fundraiser.

Smith recalled a recent interaction with a man experiencing homelessness that reminded her of the challenges many family members face.

"The other day, I went to the church that we're going to have her memorial at," Smith said. "While I was waiting in the car, a man walked up and knocked on my window to ask if I had a blanket. I told him I didn't, but said I'd go get him one and he asked me to promise that I was going to come back. When I came back, he was so happy that, first of all, I did what I said I was going to do."

Smith explained that after she gave him the blanket, she asked the man to call his mother, to tell her that he is safe and that he has a warm blanket tonight.

"He called his mom and, in that conversation, I heard myself on the other line," Smith said. "There's that exasperation. The man said, 'Mom, can you come and get me right now?' And she said, 'I can't come get you, but I can be there Monday. Can you wait until Monday?'

"To hear his mom on the other line — to hear the struggle in her voice and the negotiation: 'Should I drop what I'm doing and go get him right now?' 'Is he safe?' 'Is he all right?' Almost like a silent prayer, saying, 'You will be OK till Monday, right? — because I have other things that I have to do so that I can have the energy, strength and capacity to come and get you and help you on Monday.'"

"To hear that it just reminded me so much of myself and just ... feeling like when I didn't have it, I just didn't have it. But, then, not having it may mean that I stayed up at night and I wondered and prayed that she would be OK."

Smith spoke about giving her mom a cellphone many times — so that she could keep in contact with her — but that it would often get stolen. She said that it meant so much to her when someone would let her mom use their phone, just so she could check in and let her know that she was still alive.

Fighting the stigma

Smith has sat in many civic and even church meetings discussing the unsheltered community, and said that family members are often asked to provide shelter for their loved ones. She said that many of these situations are complex, and family members like herself and her siblings have opened up their homes, and it isn't always the best or even a viable solution.

"There's a stigma regarding those of us who are dealing with unhoused family members," she said. "We hear people say, 'Why can't they just live with you?'

"We've already played that tune in our head. We've probably already had them in our home, and we, ourselves, don't have the emotional or mental capacity to house them. We're not professionals, and I think that when you are dealing with it in your family, you have an emotional tie which makes it even more difficult," Smith said. "So I know that there will be people that will read this and think, 'Well, she should just take care of her because she's family.'

"I've been told this from church leaders, and I'm just like, 'I've already raised my seven sisters. I have children and grandchildren now that I'm trying to help. Like, I'm in a boat that is sinking and if I can paddle fast enough, I can get to the other side then come back and help. But I can't bring her in the boat with me at this time.

"It's been an emotional roller coaster because you know that you're getting judged and you already feel like you're a terrible person, and you already feel like you're not doing the right thing because you're prioritizing your children and your current situation. Of course you feel scared, torn and frustrated. You feel like you've let everyone down and you just don't know what else to do."

'Let them know they're seen'

Smith acknowledges that solutions are difficult to come by, but said, from her experience, the best thing you can do is to let the unhoused know they're seen.

"I think that sometimes people discuss the unhoused as if they're projects — and they're not projects, they're people," Smith said. "When I'd go out to find my mother, I'd bring a bunch of one dollar bills, and would hand out a dollar to each person to make sure they had human contact that day and knew that they were being seen. I always tell them, 'God bless you,' and I try to keep focused on their humanness."

Smith said that the memorial service that she is putting together will serve as a way to remember her mother, as well as to bring attention to the unhoused population.

"I hope to bring more visibility," Smith said. "The memorial will be in an area that is populated with the unhoused, unseen community in need. We're going to coincide it with a blanket drive and ask people to donate good wool socks, coats, and gloves to help get through the winter.

The memorial service for Edna Cox will be held at 12:30 p.m. Saturday at the Genesis Project in Provo.

*KSL.com does not assure that the money deposited to the account will be applied for the benefit of the persons named as beneficiaries. If you are considering a deposit to the account, you should consult your own advisers and otherwise proceed at your own risk.

Related topics