Estimated read time: 5-6 minutes
This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.
To turn up the heat in her marriage, Demetra Searcy turned up the volume. The Riverdale woman married at age 18, but said she "kept the restraints on" physically until her mid-30s.
"I had to accept my body for what it was and open up," said Searcy, 44.
Once she became comfortable talking with her husband about physical intimacy, the sparks began to fly.
The couple recently divorced, but Searcy said her newfound comfort helps her in current relationships.
"There are less boundaries now," she said. "I know what I can bring to enhance a relationship, and I am more accepting of what another person enjoys."
But many women are missing out on the pleasures of physical intimacy because they are inhibited about talking about it, said Sharon Smith, an obstetrician/gynecologist. They were raised to view sex as a taboo topic that should not be discussed, Smith said. "Women must realize that it's OK and normal, and give themselves permission to enjoy it."
It all begins with emotional and verbal communication.
Good sex does not just happen naturally, said Lily McNair, a psychology professor at Spelman College. "If you're in love and you're together, it's just supposed to be good --- one size fits all. But it's not that way."
Before having sex, talk about your expectations, what you like and the role of sex in your relationship, she recommends. Such discussions can be difficult and require a lot of time, effort, vulnerability and trust.
Once you break through the communication gap, you can reap the emotional and physical benefits of a healthy sex life.
Studies suggest that regular sex promotes good health, because people tend to pay more attention to their bodies. As a result, people live longer, said Celia Dominguez, an assistant professor of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Emory University. The cardiovascular exercise strengthens the heart and muscles and releases endorphins that help to relieve stress, pain and depression. It also helps to lower body weight, increase stamina and boost the immune system.
"If you do it right --- eyes wide open, lights on, within a nurturing relationship --- you benefit psychologically," said Doug Weiss, author of "Intimacy: A 100-Day Guide to Lasting Relationships," a guide to help people develop emotional connection, oneness and bonding. "It's good for your spirit, soul and body." FIND YOUR VOICE
With the understanding that every situation is different, certified sex therapist Joan Sughrue offers the following tips to develop constructive sex conversations with your partner:
> Become self-aware. Examine your sexual history, including when and how you learned about sex, to understand how it affects your current views.
> Take ownership. Decide that you want to have a better sex life, and identify your likes and dislikes.
> Overcome fear. Don't be afraid that talking will hurt your partner's feelings. Both of you want happiness for each other.
> Choose the right time. Find a convenient time when you won't be interrupted, not before physical intimacy but perhaps when there is good harmony and feeling between you. Don't have the conversation in the bedroom.
> Ease into it. Incorporate it into natural conversation instead of announcing, "We need to talk about sex," because that puts both of you on the spot.
> Share responsibility. Don't place the blame too heavily on either of you.
> Start now. Begin a dialogue before problems arise in the relationship. FIXING SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION
An estimated four in 10 women experience some form of sexual difficulty because of emotional, hormonal or physical factors. Female sexual dysfunction is categorized by low sexual desire, sexual arousal disorder, orgasmic disorder or sexual pain disorder, with the symptoms often overlapping. Treatment options include:
> Make healthy lifestyle changes. Avoid drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, stop smoking, exercise regularly and make time for relaxation. All are as important for your sexual health as for your overall health.
> Strengthen pelvic muscles. Kegel exercises strengthen the muscles involved in pleasurable sexual sensations. Here's how to do them: Tighten pelvic muscles, hold for a count of five, relax. Repeat several times a day.
> Seek counseling. Talk with a sex therapist or counselor skilled in addressing sexual concerns.
A medical professional may prescribe the following treatments:
> Estrogen therapy. Estrogen is important in maintaining the health of vaginal and external genital tissues.
> Progestin therapy. Taking progestin in addition to estrogen has helped improve desire and arousal for some women.
> Androgen therapy. Androgens include male hormones, such as testosterone, which is important for sexual function in women as well as men.
> Emerging treatments. Erectile dysfunction drugs such as Viagra and Cialis are being tested on women. Results have been mixed.
Source: Mayo Clinic The sex diet
About four years ago, Kerry McCloskey made an accidental discovery: The more sex she had, the better she felt and the better she wanted to look.
So the New Jersey woman, who was about 20 pounds overweight, enlisted the help of her husband, Ben, to create a diet regimen with sex as the primary form of exercise. The couple also cut down on processed and sugary foods and added lean meats, fruits and vegetables to their diet.
"We made it into a routine, and we even developed routines," said McCloskey, who lost 23 pounds in six months. Her husband lost 15. "I gained a new sense of confidence and inner peace, and it translated to every aspect of my life."
Last year, McCloskey penned "The Ultimate Sex Diet," a guide that teaches you how to slim down and shape up while enhancing your love life. Clip 'n' keep! MOOD FOOD
Certain foods are believed to increase libido and appetite for sex.
Oysters --- high in zinc, a mineral used in the production of testosterone
Asparagus --- high in vitamin E, considered a sex hormone stimulant
Chiles, curries and other spicy foods --- contain capsaicin, which stimulates nerve endings, raises heart rate and releases endorphins
Chocolate --- contains phenylethylamine, which produces a sense of well-being and excitement
Other libido enhancers include anchovies, licorice, scallops, strawberries and bananas. Some people also say the smell of pumpkin pie and buttered popcorn arouses men.
Source: Staff reports READING RESOURCES
To learn more about your body and how to communicate with your partner, check out these books:
> "Hot Monogamy: Essential Steps to More Passionate, Intimate Lovemaking" by Dr. Patricia Love and Jo Robinson
> "Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems & Revolutionizing Your Relationship" by David Schnarch
> "What Your Mother Never Told You About S-e-x" by Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.
> "Sex Over 40" by Saul H. Rosenthal, M.D.
Source: Mayo Clinic
Copyright 2006 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
