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My last blog, "Step Off The Curb" discussed some concerning behaviors of an increasingly negative and angry society. These emotions really boil down to one attitude, self-centeredness. Today there are many examples of how selfishness has decreased the overall moral fiber of society. An attitude of being self-centered gives rise to other undesirable traits such as disrespect, disloyalty, lack of dedication and commitment, and unkindness.
Selfishness abounds in epic proportions and apathy is widespread and growing. There is nothing more destructive than to hear, "I can't do anything about how messed up the world is." Those words are precisely the problem. It is a problem in society and a problem in marriage.
If you feel like it doesn't matter any more or that nothing you do makes a difference, it is a big problem. You thoughts alone keep you from improving your situation. Thoughts are a powerful director of actions. If you think you can't change, then you really can't change. Your mind has to be open to the possibility of change and progress.
Two keys to creating healthy change are to focus on solutions, not the problems and to focus on what works, not what is broken. Try walking a straight line in front of you while looking at a fixed point to the side of you. It is pretty difficult, if not impossible. Where you look is where you will go and likewise, you have to look down the path you want to take. When you dwell on problems, your path doesn't head in the direction of improvement. It goes further down the cracked and broken road of discontent. With a picture in mind of what you desire for your future, choose the path that leads to that future and then look straight down that path, focusing on your end goal.
When you know your end goal, remind yourself of what works instead of what is broken. This next part is the simplest, and at the same time, the hardest. Step off the curb and DO what works. This is where action comes in. Apathy is a great killer of relationships. Action must replace apathy. Working on your relationship is the only way to improve it. Do what works. You all can think of things that have worked in your relationship. Start doing them.
You know how talking about thick juicy hamburgers, steak and chicken makes you feel so hungry? That is a good example of the power of suggestion. This power also works in your relationship. The more you talk about problems, the more problems you see and the bigger the problems seem. The things you talk about a lot are the things you notice the most. When you talk about your marital problems, you notice more about your marital problems and they seem like a bigger problem. What is the answer? Focus on solutions instead of on the problem. Work on what you can influence. Once again, step off the curb and do something. You will feel better and you will make a difference.
Find what works and do it. Focus on solutions, not problems. With these two skills, positive change can come as you step off the curb and let apathy change to action.
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