Estimated read time: 4-5 minutes
SALT LAKE CITY — Before the big wedding in New York, before she was a Mrs., Taylor Swift was the youngest woman ever to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame. At the ceremony, she said something that grabbed our ear:
"Sensitivity is not weakness. You can be sensitive and durable."
As arguably the most famous musical poet of our time, we always love her way with words, but that idea felt particularly meaningful to women, wives and mothers. We asked author and speaker Connie Sokol to share three ways we can balance sensitivity and durability.
"I think that's the women's dilemma, right?" she explained. "It's always, especially female leaders, how do we walk that line?"
Sokol said that many women grow up receiving mixed messages about how they should show up in the world. She pointed out that men and women are often judged differently for the same behaviors.
"A man can come in and be really aggressive or direct," Sokol explained. "But if a woman came in and acted the same way, it'd be taken differently."
She said that creates an internal conflict. Women may worry that being too direct will make them seem harsh, while being too empathetic may be perceived as weakness. Sokol went through three ways to strike the right balance between both.
Know Your Goal
Sokol said it's important to stay focused on the outcome you want. When emotions are high or conversations become difficult, she suggested stepping back and asking some important questions.
"What is the end goal? What's the desired outcome?" she explained.
Focusing on that objective gives you more clarity and confidence. Instead of reacting emotionally in the moment, you can make your decisions based on what truly matters to you.
Sokol shared a personal example from her own career. When she was presented with an opportunity that conflicted with her family priorities, she confidently advocated for a different arrangement because she knew exactly what mattered most.
Speak Plainly
Sokol said women can unintentionally undermine themselves by softening their message too much.
"I think we can eliminate the Utah sentence starter of, 'I'm so sorry,'" she said.
Rather than filling requests or opinions with unnecessary apologies and explanations, she said to communicate clearly and directly.
"Being able to say what you mean and to ask for what you want, that's plain speaking," Sokol explained.
She emphasized that doesn't mean abandoning kindness or tact. It means trusting that your message has value without wrapping it in excessive justification.
Sokol emphasized that being durable doesn't require becoming confrontational. Curiosity can be more powerful. She recommended starting conversations by finding common ground.
"I like the focus on X, I can see the benefit of Y," she said as an example.
From there, thoughtful questions can help guide the discussion.
"What's the track record of X? What is the goal of Y?" Sokol noted. "Let information speak for itself rather than you proving and trying to take the ground."
Sokol also noted that women often know more than they give themselves credit for. People often ignore their instincts in an effort to keep the peace or avoid conflict. But being durable means honoring your internal signals while being able to express them constructively.
"Trust your gut," she advised. "You don't have to just sit still and look pretty."
That kind of confidence allows women to participate fully in conversations, advocate for themselves and contribute meaningfully without sacrificing their authentic selves.
Stay Aligned with Your Values
"Our values should always direct our actions," Sokol emphasized.
She said to trust yourself when something doesn't feel right.
"When we feel like something's off, usually it is," she said. "You can speak up and call it out politely, inquiringly."
Sensitivity doesn't mean staying silent. Durability doesn't require becoming hardened. Both can exist together when your actions are rooted in values. At its core, Sokol said durability isn't about being tough or emotionless.
"Being durable means you know what you want, you stay aligned with those values, and then you plain speak it," she explained.
That balance allows women to be compassionate while also standing firm. You don't have to choose between softness and strength. Both qualities can live side by side.
_Find more inspiration from Connie on Instagram, @connie_sokol._
This story was adapted from a TV broadcast script using artificial intelligence. Every story, including those adapted with AI, is reviewed by a human editor before publication to ensure that KSL's editorial standards are upheld.
